Tear In My Heart

11th Grade

You often wonder if life could get any better than how it is now. You constantly strive for greater things but at the end of the day, you just know that it couldn't. This is the best that life will ever be.

Of course, there are certain moments that come out better than others like that time you got two prizes in your Cracker Jack box when your zayde took you to that baseball game that you caught that foul ball at with your father and Will or maybe- just possibly- the fact that you've just read the letter informing you that you've been invited to participate in the most prestigious showcase in the country where scouts from the best music programs around the world will watch your every move and note.

Lucas is just kind of like icing on the cake that is the letter paving the path to your future career in the musical arts-no, your future career as the pride of your mother's life. She has been pushing that audition for weeks.

You have to call her. She'll be so happy with you.

You dial her number after checking the clock because you know better than to call her in Beijing when it's time for her to be at an event. It's about eleven so she should be leaving for lunch in almost an hour, more than enough time to break the news.

"Bonjour, maman!" You sound too excited. She'll be annoyed with you.

"Oh, Maya, it is far too early for such a chipper attitude. What has gotten into you?"

"I apologize, but, Maman, I got into the showcase."

She's silent for a second and that scares you. She told you when entering that she has not dedicated years into training you for a waste. You need to take your lessons as precious gifts, and you do. You take them as gold because they got you exactly where you belong.

"My shining girl, I knew that you would."

Your mother's words make you smile so wide and you grow so happy that your heart sinks because it's so full. She's making your heart sink for the first time out of joy and you think that you'll never forget this moment.

"You will go and receive a scholarship, I am positive, and I will start arranging my meetings so that I can accompany my glittering diamond to the recipient benefit they hold after the showcase."

Your mother is proud of you. She's so proud of you. She wants to take you to the showcase as her prized child. Your eyes are welling with tears and you know you can't let her see you cry, but she will be gone soon enough and they will fall because this is your moment. After years and years of trying, you finally feel like you are worthy of the life that your mother has graced you with.

"I just hope that you will spend your time rehearsing instead of messing off with that boy that seems so fond of you. We don't need any distractions before your big night."

"Oh, but, maman, he won't distract me. He never has before."

"Oh, Maya." That was the wrong thing to say. Her usual tone succumbs to the destruction of your facade of confidence. "You know better than to undermine me." You do know better. You know so much better. "I expect your practice to become more frequent. I want all extra hours dedicated to rehearsing." You agree and she lets out a long sigh. "Honestly, I wish that we would be allowed to have a nice moment without your mouth poisoning it, Maya. I will speak to you shortly to check on your progress."

You wince when you hear the dead tone from her end. You hope that when remembering this moment in the future, you can forget your mistakes within it.

.

Since getting into the big concert of all the fancy schools or whatever, Maya hasn't spent a lot of time with you and you don't really like it. You try to hide it because you don't want to seem all needy and clingy and obsessed, but you miss her. You went from constant affection to barely a kiss good morning, and you miss her.