Kitchen Sink

I'm my Own Shrink Think Things are After Me

Josh's POV :D

The dim street lights barely provided enough light for me to make out what the street sign said. It was just another dark silhouette against the ebony outlines of fancy houses, the type that rich people tended to live in. The sky was a tone of dark blue in the early hours of the morning. I sighed defeatedly, leaning against the street post on the corner a block. 

 At this point, my life was spiralling downwards at an alarming rate, starting about 4 years ago.

The tingling excitement on my skin, and the hope for a bright future was radiating off me the day i was moving out 4 years ago. I could only remember that feeling too well as i let the memories swirl round inside my head like a scheduled loop, playing like a TV screen every time i acknowledge what my life has now become. 

As as naive, stupid young adult moving into my own apartment was surreal. Freedom, possibilities, a fresh start at life. The feeling of invincibility seemed to course through my veins.

And i was invincible for a while, too.

The life plan that every person dreamt up was coming together, piece by piece. The puzzle pieces were slotting into place, my life become seemingly clearer. A job at the local cafe, studying physiotherapy, the course i loved, and my friends who i would give the world too.

And of course, a gorgeous girlfriend who loved me. And i loved her back, really. I thought i did. That same loving look she gave me whenever she looked into my eyes, as if i was her hero, her soulmate even. 

They say that it's always the little little things that make the biggest difference, and maybe it was. Maybe, if i just tried harder, she wouldn't slowly fade from my life.

The truth, as difficult and draining as it was, was that it was always me. Was it the way i picked my lips until they bled, maybe thats why she stopped giving me her rosey kiss each morning. Perhaps it was the way i began to stutter, or struggled to meet her in the eye or began to fear other people, the breakdowns, the scratches, staggered breathing, overthinking or maybe just all of it? 

We knew what was going to happen, and we were both fully aware of the pain that was to come. For her, it really came down to watching someone you loved become a dysfunctional mess and for me? The hardest part was knowing that you had become the disaster you feared but witnessing everyone around you begin to fade away. 

Puzzle pieces were being removed from my incomplete image of life.

While she moved away, i stayed. 

The screaming on my skin, raw and laboured breath, salty cheeks, the flashes and memories of her flew across my mind. Warm, chestnut hazel eyes, rich, milk chocolate skin, her warm embrace that she gave me every time i finished my long shifts at the cafe. 

I quit my job at the cafe, gave up my hard earned college course, everything. It didn't really surprise me when i lost my apartment too. The same one that held all my hopes and dreams. The apartment where i used to live with her.

Hitchhiking around the states, picking up what little jobs i could find. It was anything that what get me a little money; late night bartending shifts, working at a souvenir shop, even a life guard once. Maybe that's why my skin became full of freckles, something that i added to the extensive and picky list titled 'self-loathing.'

I've found myself in Ohio, only arrived last night. Homeless and jobless of course, but i've gotten better. Or i'm trying at least. At least trying to support yourself always gives you something to take your mind of memories that lead down a steep and dangerous rabbit hole.

I peer up at the flickering street lamp, dozens of moths circle around the warm, inviting light. 

Sighing, i scuff my already worn sneakers against the pavement before setting off down the street. No one is awake, it seems. But who would be at 4:00 am?

I just needed somewhere to sleep, someones place to crash but i looked like i mess and i knew no one would answer the door this early. 

The only sound that could be heard was the repeating sound of my sneaker softly hitting the footpath, like the rhythm of a song i might know.

A particular house caught my attention. 

It was the overflowing mail box.

Mail was spilling out the slot, sitting on top of the mail box and piled around it, dating back from months ago. 

Did this person ever read their mail?

It was only then that i noticed the missing car from the garage, and all the blinds in the house firmly shut.

It was an empty house. It must have been. 

The house was in a relatively nice neighbourhood, the sort of area for rich families to live in.

The family who lived here was probably away on holiday, but i figure they wouldn't mind seeing as i was only going to be here for a few days before i left for wherever a driver would be willing to take me to.

Cautiously i walked up the the front door, checking that no one was around to catch me.

I wasn't planning on doing anything bad, just squatting here for a few days and then i was going to leave.

I may be a criminal, but at least i'm a respectable criminal.

The front door was locked, as i had expected, so i proceeded to wonder around the side of the house searching for an unlocked window.

Near the back of the house was a small window, one for a bathroom probably. It was square shaped and would be a tight fit, but i knew i could fit through.

As i pushed the window up i little more, i leaned forward through the window before slithering onto the cold tiles. 

It was only when i opened up the bathroom door that i realised a hallway light was on.

Perhaps they may just have left it on? It was wishful thinking i know but something compelled me not to leave. 

I could see the beginning of the living room a few feet down the hall and made a beeline for the couch. 

What am i doing? breaking into someones house who could potentially still be here and then proceeding to crash on their couch? 

I sighed heavily into the couches comforting pillows, only now realising the tug of my heavy eyelids. I truly was exhausted.

It'll just be for tonight, i thought. Even if there is someone here, i'll leave first thing tomorrow morning.

They won't even notice i was here.

Well it's been a hot minute since i last posted also this isn't checked i put like,,,, no effort into this and i didn't proof read i'm sorry but i have just lost all of my motivation whoops also i'm really sorry if you were hoping for something good.

...... enjoy i guess....??