I couldn’t escape
Running around in circles
I could hear them
Everything they were saying to me
Mocking, laughing, taunting
“You’re not good enough”
“Look at you compared to everyone else”
“Why do you bother?”
The brick wall before me
crumbling slowly
Stray tears
falling from my eyes
I couldn’t show the pain I was feeling
The disgust,
the hatred
I had hidden it for so long
I can’t give up now
I am strong right?
“Please. You? Strong? Don’t make me laugh,your weak”
My head hangs in Disgust
They are right
They are all right
Why bother?
Why try?
It’s useless
I’m useless
How can I live with this?
Well you can’t run from your own thoughts
Your own head
They follow you and haunt
you
Filling your mind with fake hatred
And you believe it
Because you can’t find an argument against it
It’s not like you can get rid of your mind
But how do you get rid of the thoughts?
Take them away and pretend they aren’t there?
So you can laugh like you mean it
Have a real smile spread across your face
Have real contentment
But they’ll come back
And they’ll rip away your happiness
Danggling it front of you
Make you beg for it back before they throw it away
Make you search for hours to find it
“Give up; you’re never going to find it.”
You nod
knowing there right Again
The things you wanted to be
Your dreams
“Please. As if”
“You’ll never make it. Look at you!”
You can’t hid the fact that maybe it’s right
Your reflection in the mirror
Mocking you
The people that surround you
Back stabbing and laughing at you
But what can you do?
Put on a mask every day?
It gets tiring
The fake smiles whither
The fake laughs fall
And there are times when your disguise crumbles
Or it slips off without you noticing
And you’re trapped in a maze of anxiety
Then what?
You’re left with the sadness
The…dare I say it…doubts
Even when you’re alone
It’s there
“You think just because you’re alone, I’m going to go away?”
Put in headphones
Turn up the music
“Nope still here”
Even as the bass rings in your ears
“Still here”
Try and block it out
“I am not everything you say I am”
“You sure?”
And that’s when you give up
There’s no need for an argument
It’ll win
It always does
The mind is a horrible place to be
Especially if that person is me.
