Remembering Shauqina

Chapter 16: Losing it

CHAPTER 16 : Losing it

 One would have thought that life would be slightly easier if not better after that moment at that bench. Truth is, it still was confusing, at times, infuriating at times, sweet and warm at times - but always, always with that sense of comfort, of a secret shared between two hearts. The stolen smiles and the stolen glances, God forgive us, were always there, but we would still not meet headlong, if we could help it. We wanted 'it' to be blessed. We did not want the whole world to know. No. Definitely not the whole world.

 We still could not find the time to do things together, him being in a different class. So, physically, to others, we still went on our separate ways, as per normal. Mugging for tests and last minute preparations went on as per normal as well. In fact, towards the fortnight before graduation,  Mdm Latifah, our dear English teacher, had this brilliant idea of taking all of us graduating students to the nearest library. So dismayed was she at our lack of general knowledge, she wanted all of us to imprison ourselves at the children’s reference section of the library and do research on specific topics like culture, ideology, history and such likes. The children’s section, mind you! We would have made a lot of noise and protest and such if not for the sheer fact that the outing would mean time out from Saturday classes which meant time out from more homework. So we gleefully looked forward to the outing.  

 As we were waiting for the school bus, Mr Mohd, our Recreational Officer, came by. We were waiting under the sun and I guessed I was reddening like a baked fish. Mr Mohd, well-known for his even lamer jokes than mine started to smile on seeing my face. I knew a wisecrack was coming, so I tried looking away. It did not work.

 “Hafeza! You look hot today!”

The rest of my friends were laughing at me, for his remarks had a double meaning to it. I was ‘hot’ as in the heat, but he could jolly well mean I looked ‘hot’ as in looking stunning as well. I wasn’t sure which he meant but I knew that I went shades redder and that did not help. I did not realize that Zak and his friends were just nearby and they were chuckling and giving each other knowing looks. Zak was laughing the loudest and I scowled at him. He merely raised one eyebrow and then winked at me. Winked at me! The nerve of him. Mr Mohd was hysterical.

            “I saw that Zakaria! I tell her father then you know!”

            “Sir, sir, sorry sir!”

            “Sir, sir – you think I’m your army officer or what?”

            “No lah sir – but you our friend, right?”

            “I give you this than you know who’s your friend!” Mr Mohd showed his fist and all the boys burst again into laughter. Mr Mohd smiled widely.

            “Hafeza! Zak likes you eh?”

Suddenly being under the limelight again freaked me out. The ‘boys’ can have all the fun they want but not at my expense. With an exaggerated ‘Humph!’ I ran to a group of girls who were already boarding a bus. My ears went red with the ringing of laughter from Mr Mohd and his boys.

 I love the library. You can leave me forever in one. So many books to read! I just love the papery smell of the books and shelves and computers, the musty air-con - everything. We were divided into groups and each group had their own theme. My group had to do research on ‘Communism’ and I was at the ‘History’ shelf in no time. Some of my team mates went to other shelves. Zafirah got side-tracked near the ‘Hobbies’ shelf and was already flipping through a what look like flower arrangement book. I got separated from my group and went comfortably in search of our theme. I smiled. There you are, I muttered under my breath, searching for books on ‘Communism’. I was so focused on the books in front of me that I failed to discern two shadows behind me. A naughty cough sounded and as I turned, my tudung almost brushed against the sleeves of a boy in a national school uniform. He was so close – too close for comfort. Where was Zafirah? Some friend. The two boys, maybe about a year younger than me, looked rather sheepishly at one another. They then smiled apologetically at me. They meant no harm, I guessed. But their familiarity irked me.