Another Man's Treasure (Joey Bada$$ Story)

Part Diciasette

This feeling was a familiar one.

I felt it right after the girl at the Pro Era concert reminded me of what happened the night I met Steez. It was like taking years to put the pieces of a puzzle together, and when you’ve finally finished, you just stare at it. Your eyes are sore and your fingers are numb, and you can’t feel anything or do anything but just look at your creation, look at your finished piece, your conclusion. Just look. That’s what I was feeling. But it was worse than the last time. It was full-fledged. I couldn’t function like I was supposed to. I couldn’t hear sometimes, couldn’t see sometimes. I could barely walk the next morning when I woke up, when I realized that none of last night’s events were a dream and the boys were gone but Joey was still here. I still had to look him in the eye. I still had to deal with Latara, knowing that she wasn’t who I thought she was. Knowing that the stories I used to tell her about me and her ‘daddy’ were not real.

I woke up Latara, gave her her bath, and took her to the kitchen for breakfast. The usual routine. I cooked for Joey, as usual, and he woke up on his own, as usual. Everything went as it always did. He said good morning and sat down to eat his meal. He didn’t act like anything was different, like we didn’t just experience something that had the potential to be traumatizing last night. But maybe I just didn’t understand where he was coming from. Maybe it was just me, and none of the boys were affected because they weren’t the ones who found out that their baby-daddy wasn’t who they thought he was. They didn’t have the same problems as me.

“Hey, can you cook macaroni salad?” Joey asked me in the middle of his breakfast. I shrugged. “It would really mean a lot if you would make that tomorrow. Or today if you’re feeling generous. I just have a feeling you’d make it really well.”

I shrugged it again, which I hoped he understood meant ‘okay’.

The icing on the cake, the very last piece to my puzzle, was that this all tied back a few months ago when Edwin left me. He knew. That’s why he left, because somehow he found out that Latara wasn’t his child and he felt betrayed and lied to. He probably thought I knew. But how could he possibly find out? And before me, at that?

“Did you hear me just now?”

“No,” I said. “Sorry, I zoned out for a moment. What’d you say?”

Joey eyed me for a moment. “I said that this has the perfect amount of salt in it.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

I went back to my thoughts.

There were no probable ideas of where Edwin could have found this information. He could have heard from someone that his girlfriend was at the concert that night and went home with one of the rappers, but that still didn’t mean that I had a child with him. It’s not like Edwin could’ve asked Steez himself. The only people who could’ve known were me and Steez. Steez died before I could even find out, and I just learned this yesterday. There was some source outside of the two of us that led Edwin to leave, to not even talk to me about it. He’d probably never trust me again. I couldn’t trust anyone else, either. Everyone around me was a suspect; there’s a possibility that everyone I knew could have ruined my relationship, my life. I couldn’t live like this. I couldn’t live in question.

I couldn’t live at all.

I left the table in tears. Joey’s small talk was growing increasingly annoying, especially since he could tell I was in deep thought but still chose to press on. I ignored his calls and went straight for the bedroom. I took everything that belonged to me, everything that he bought me and the things I came with. I packed them all into Latara’s bag, the tears dripping onto my clothes. There was no time to wipe them. There was no time to waste - I had to go. I had to get out of this place. I had to get out of this Earth.

“Jamie, wait,” Joey came into the room just as I zipped up the bag. I picked it up and headed for the doorway.

“Move, Joey. I’m putting this in the hallway and I’m going to take a shower. When I get outj, you can tell me whatever you want before I leave.” I said to him.

“Leave to go where?”

“I just have to go. Please, move.”

Joey didn’t budge. He kept arms and legs outstretched, blocking me from exiting the room. I threw the bag against a wall and I collapsed. Right onto the ground, I fell down into a million pieces, the tears coming stronger and stronger. Joey approached me slowly, standing over me as if he wanted to hold me but didn’t know why this was happening in the first place. As if I was dangerous.

“Let me leave,” I said to him through my bawling. “Please. Just let me leave.”

“Why do you want to leave?”

I looked up at him. “Because I don’t know what my life is. Not anymore. I’ve been fooled.”

“What are you talking about?” Joey outstretched his arm and held me up to my feet. I wanted to fall back down, to melt into the cracks in the floor. He held me upright, squeezing my shoulders so I wouldn’t try to escape.

“I don’t even know my own child,” I sobbed. She was in the living room, making her own communication noises with her teddy bears and the other toys Joey bought her.

“What does that even mean?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” I pushed him but he only took hold of me again. I was too weak to fight. He helped me up onto the bed, sitting at the edge with me, holding me and rocking me. It didn’t help. Nothing could soothe this pain.

“Jamie, I haven’t known you for too long,” He said. “But you don’t seem like the type to run away as soon as problems arise.”

I pushed his arm off of me. “You’re right; you don’t know me, Joey. I swear, since I met you, you’ve just been acting like you know me, but you don’t. You don’t know me at all, and you definitely don’t know everything the way you act like you do!”

“Really?” Joey shook his head. “You’re acting like a kid now, Jamie. I never acted like I know you; I’ve just been acting like I want to get to know you. And I do. But you make it so hard when you’re always acting like something you’re not. Maybe you need to take the time to get to know yourself before I can even attempt to know you.”

I slid off of the bed. I couldn’t be next to him. I couldn’t even look at him.

“You know what, Joey?” I picked up my bag and stomped for the door. “Maybe I do need to get to know myself. Because I really didn’t think I was the type of girl to have sex with a rapist!”

And I left the room, picking up Latara and her things. Joey came out of the bedroom after me, his face full of incertitude and inquiry. But he looked at Latara on my arm, her face, her smile, the fat cheeks that he always identified with Steez. And then a look of knowing overcame him. He figured it out. Just like that, he knew it. I wish I could’ve done that - it would have saved me a lot of trouble if I could’ve figured it out in such little time. Maybe it was the term ‘rapist’ that made it obvious for him, because there was only one person who Joey told me was accused of rape. Steez.

“Get out.” He said. Gladly.

I stuffed the rest of Tara’s toys in my bags and left the apartment, barely making it out before Joey slammed the door behind me.

If only he knew how much I didn’t care about his little attitudes.