I'm waiting at the subway to get to work, when my phone starts to ring. I pull it out of my pocket and see that it's Jin.
"Hey," he says. I reply with a short "hi".
"So I'm on my way to work-"
"Me too. I'm almost there." I reply. Jin's always on my tail about getting to work early. As if on cue, a train whizzes past. Jin sighs.
"Why do you insist on taking the train to work, when I can just happily pick you up?" I take in a deep breath. It pains me everyday to take the train, the place where I first met him, the moment that changed my life forever. But at the same time, I miss him so much that I feel like I need to be here to grasp onto anything I can that brings him back.
I want so badly to bring him back, yet I still can't even bear the thought of his name.
"I don't wanna bother you," I say, another sigh from the other end of the phone.
"Well, anyways, I'm picking up donuts for the others. You want some?" he asks.
"Yeah, sure," I say. Eating is the last thing I want to do right now, but I don't want to be rude. He's looking out for me, I shouldn't push him away. Especially at a time like right now, when we need each other.
We all need each other.
I put my phone away and look up. I stare blankly across the other side of the tracks, waiting for my train to arrive. I put my hands in my jacket pocket to warm them up and tuck my chin into the collar of my hoodie.
I find it so hard to find purpose these days, without him here. I could so easily step in front of a train and end it all right now.
I pull myself out of my thoughts quickly. That would be selfish. And stupid.
But that's what he did. I shake my head, ridding myself of these awful thoughts. He had a dark past that he was constantly battling, one that no one could understand or help him get through, and that's why I can try to forgive him for what he did.
Another train whizzes past. I look at the various types of people in the cars, most of them a blur.
There are lots of people wearing various colored hats, but one shocks me.
It's a grey hat, with two strings on each side, each with a pompom.
That's Taehyung's hat. I think to myself. I shake my head, throwing the thought away. I can't start thinking things like this.
Taehyung is gone, and that's that. There's no changing the past.
Although I tell myself it's not Taehyung, I can feel my heart start to beat faster. My heart lurches at the sudden possibility of him being here.
I'm going insane, I think to myself. I need to stop wishing for things that I can't have.
I rest my eyes on the moving train cars again, shrugging away all thoughts of him.
In between the breaks in the moving cars, I see the hat again, except this time someone is wearing it.
I suddenly feel nauseous.
Before I can get a good look at him, another train car blocks my view. They keep whizzing by, and I try to get glimpses in between each train car.
When the train is finished, the person is still standing there, and I can finally see who it is.
Suddenly I wish I hadn't seen who was standing on the other end of the tracks.
YOU ARE READING
Eyes Closed | KTH
Fanfiction"I still reach for him, though he's not there." {"I'm afraid to close my eyes. When I do, images of him flit across my eyes. His beaming smile, his bright, innocent eyes. There are still traces of him left behind. I find myself reaching for him, tho...