When We Collided

The Recovery

Author's Note: Happy Valentines Day everyone <3

***

"Do you love me?" He asked me.

"Yes," I answered with all my heart.

"Then why are you leaving me?"

"Because it's the only solution I could think of right now."

"It's not," he insisted. "We could just leave this all behind."

"Then what? What kind of future will we both have? I don't want us to regret anything."

"How could you be so logical through all this? Do you really even love me?" He asked doubtfully.

"I do. Truthfully. But I think this will have to wait."

That was the last time I talked to Rick four years ago. The next time I saw him was when we bumped into each other at the club.

All of our time together, all the laughter, all the promises, all the could-have-beens, everything went to waste when I made that decision to end what was between us. It hurt for such a long time that I wasn't able to move on immediately. It took me two years before I opened my heart to someone else again.

In retrospect, I was probably just being a teenager, experiencing every emotion a hundredfold, as teenagers were wont to do. It really could have ended messily if I had given in to him. I was amazed at the wisdom my sixteen-year-old self possessed.

But now, I was older. I should have handled this thing with Rick better. But after our talk in his car, he took me home and never looked back. Mom was waiting for me in the living room. All I could do was cry in her arms. When she asked me what was wrong, I told her that this thing between Rick and me had ended before it really began.

I couldn't tell whether or not Mom was happy. She had never liked Rick. She couldn't explain it to me, but she had this irrational animosity toward him.

Well, now that was one less thing to worry about, if there ever was a silver lining. But there were still loads more in my problem pile.

Like the reason why Rick ended things in the first place. Onyx.

God, that was a mountain of concerns altogether. Why was I having confusing, ambivalent feelings towards him?

I lay in bed thinking about it for a while. Then I came to a conclusion. I was drawn to him most probably because his vulnerability called out to my nurturing side. Yes, that was likely what had happened. I just mistook it for something else.

If this was the case, then did that mean I could go back to Rick?

I thought it over, and then decided against it. Rick and I had our chance, but we were already past it.

I could not predict the future. If we ended up together someday, well and good.

But for now, the best thing was to concentrate on my career and put romance on hold. I was still young anyway. I wasn't in any hurry.

The following morning, I headed to Onyx's apartment. I was surprised to see him up and about. He had already showered and was preparing breakfast for two. "I thought you'd come," he answered when I asked him about it.

He still seemed sad, but it looked like he was on the mend. "Looks like you don't need me anymore," I commented while we were eating.

"I'll always need you, Shana," he said to my surprise. "But you're right. I think I can manage the everyday stuff now."

"I'll always be here. You know that, don't you? Besides, there's no escaping me now. AccEnt just sent us e-mails for our promo tour schedule. You, me, Dee, Finn, we'll all be together on the road everyday for three months."

He nodded. "I saw that. It will be good for me. I need to be busy."

"You'll be alright."

"Thank you." He squeezed my hand. "You have no idea how your presence saved me. I was on the brink of disaster so many times, and there you were pulling me back. Thank you."

"You're welcome." I squeezed back. "I know you would've done the same for me. That's what best buddies are for, right?"

"Uh-huh." He gave me his first genuine smile in days. "Care for a game?"

This was why I was one of the boys. Because I loved video games. Onyx's game console was excellent. We spent the rest of the day playing all the games he had saved, with meals and bathroom breaks in between. While on our eighth game, I casually asked him, "You think the boys would fancy a game with us?"

He paused the game. "Maybe tomorrow. Or the day after. I dunno. I'm not ready to face them yet. I get the feeling that they will just ask for details about the break up."

Maybe that's why he liked my company, because I didn't prod. I just took whatever he gave me, nothing more.

"Okay. Guess I'll have you all to myself for a bit longer," I said with a playful grin.

When he didn't answer, I looked at him. I meant it as a joke, but I didn't think he took it that way. He watched me with a strange, unreadable expression on his face. I probably looked bewildered because he cleared his throat and looked away. I could see his ears redden.

'OMG Shana. You and your big mouth,' I scolded myself internally. 'Quick, think of a way to fix this awkward situation!'

Then I had an idea.

"Take that, Mario!" I shouted triumphantly.

He cursed softly when he realized I'd beaten him at the game.

And then we both laughed.

Photo credits: chibi me -game over by hachidaime