When We Collided

The Girlfriend

"Thank you for meeting up with me," I said softly.

Jessica and I were alone in a VIP room at a club. We were enclosed in a cocoon of muffled sounds and welcome privacy.

She took a drag of her cigarette quietly. She seemed to be smoking more than ever. "How is he?" Her voice broke.

My heart broke with it. "Not good."

She sighed and closed her eyes. Even when she went through hell, she still looked beautiful. It was unfair, really.

But I was here because of Onyx. My focus shifted back to my purpose.

"How are you?" I asked her.

"I feel like shit. It's all on me though. I shouldn't complain."

"Jessica..."

"No Shana. You don't have to sugarcoat it. It's all my fault. I have the perfect boyfriend who loves me despite of myself and who has sacrificed so much for me. And then he goes and asks me this one favor. One favor. And what do I do? I fuck it up. Shit!"

I waited while she got herself together. She was different from Onyx. Whereas he was sad and needed a lot of caring for, she was angry and needed a bit of space.

"I can't explain it. I love him. I want to do everything for him. But I guess this is my exception. I cannot deny him. Even with my parents, I couldn't deny him even if it would have been best." She looked at me.

"Do you know the shit we both went through with my parents? They thought he's a good guy, but not good enough for me. That he didn't seem to have a future. Well, guess what? I'm the fuck up, not him. I'm the one wasting my parents' unlimited cash supply on clothes and parties. I haven't put my degree to use. Instead, I've just spent my meaningless life on hedonistic shit. I'm sick of it all. Even my pathetic excuse of a career, I'm sick of it. Onyx, he's the only good thing about me. He knows what he wants out of life and he's too busy chasing it. I'm scared that I won't run fast enough and he'll eventually get tired of me and he'll think I'm a burden." She burst into tears.

This time, I couldn't resist placing an arm around her shoulders and hugging her to me. "Shh..."

She turned to me and hugged me back. "Shana," she cried. "I can't just deny him. Not the way he denies me in front of thousands of people. It fucking hurts!"

"Jessica, you know it isn't true. You know how much he loves you."

"Sometimes I don't even know anymore. I just want everything to be black and white. Stupid fucking show business."

"Jess, he wants this. You know how long he's waited for this. Weren't you the one who said this project has given you both hope? Look at the bright side."

"There's no bright side. I cannot do this. I don't know how to do this."

"What do you want?" I asked.

She was silent, trying to think. "I want things to be the way they were before. Before all this." She gestured with her slender arms.

"Do you think he wants the same?" I asked.

"No," she replied sadly.

"Are you mad at him?"

"No. It's not his fault. He needs this. He can't just stay with me. He'll wither and die. That is why I've decided." She wiped the tears from her face and straightened her back. "I've decided to leave him."

"Jessica. You know this will break him," I warned her.

"I know. This will break me too. But there's no other way."

"I do not believe that." My tone was hard. I couldn't understand. Why couldn't they both have what they wanted? It was easily within their grasp.

"It's true. There is no other way. Not for me. If I stay, I'll just be bitter and unhappy. I'll just pull him down. I don't want him to give this up because of me. Shana," she added, grasping my arm tightly. "Please promise me you'll take care of him, when it happens. Please don't let him do anything stupid. God knows I've done enough to last us both a lifetime."

I stared at this poor, complicated woman. She was truly a study of contradictions. Her words showed how she was both selfish and selfless in one breath. She wanted what was best for him, but her perceived limitations prevented her from providing it herself. I spent the whole night trying to convince her that she was enough, that she didn't need to feel insecure. He would still want her. But her mind was set, and Onyx had always said she was stubborn as hell. Nothing could move her. One thing was for sure, though. She loved him very deeply.

"Promise me you'll be there for him," she demanded.

"I promise, Jessica. But I also promise you that he will be very hurt."

"I know," she replied sadly. "God, I know."

Photo credits: http://img2.blog.zdn.vn/36272159.jpg