Fire ➳ TDC, Thomas [3] ✓

Chapter {6}

It felt as if in that moment the whole world froze for me, just stopped moving for a second to think and reflect upon everything that had been said tonight, for I did as well, comprehending fully yet none of his words which just would not break through in my ears. It felt like something was there, behind them, forcing them to stay put as I tried and tried to consider the boy in front of me.

Perhaps, it was because I did not remember anyone ever saying those words to me or have forgotten what they sounded like which now remembering brought a newfound feeling upon me— after all the heaviness, death and pain, they brought some happiness.

"I don't expect you to—" Thomas began rather heavily, yet somehow his certainty was visible in his eyes.

I cut him off, knowing it was not a tendancy of mine which soon I found quite a wrong thing to do as I gently leaned into a hug, arms around his middle as his went over my neck. "I love you too, and I think I always have."

Something of a relief settled on Thomas, no matter the faint breath he released and the considerably slower heartbeat I could hear as my head leaned on his chest, he remained between truly worried and partly relieved; all because of one thing, that disease I've been diagnosed with which not only tortured him but me as well.

Slowly and reluctantly he broke our hug, rising his hand in shaky motions as if frightened of something, yet when finally reached my cheek gently ran a thumb over it, sorrowfully and lost within his own thoughts. "I wanted to tell you before- before I lose you too." His voice cracked so painfully there was nothing I would have done rather than hug him again.

Standing there, just a small distance between us and a never-ending heavy weight settling above I closed my eyes forcefully to rid them of tears, stayed disconnected to everything as no second sooner than they opened toward the world again, Thomas pulled me closer and pressed his lips to mine.

Just like that one tear came, flowed between my closed lashes and rolled down my cheek, dropped onto the floor and remained there in the sight of pure night, a gentle swaying wind fading into warmth and everything disappearing within the shallow darkness in my eyes. Thomas still held my cheeks, caressed them slowly and carefully as I messed my hands into his hair.

At last, as reluctant as before when breaking our hug, he pulled away, blinking swiftly the glistening drops formed in his eyes and dropping his hands, in an instant cold swarmed where his previously warm hands rested gently, a feeling of utter longing arising in my chest as Thomas looked at the far horizon bathed in the shine of the moon above and empty street down.

"I'll do whatever it takes to keep myself alive, I promise." I whispered, looking after him to at last meet his eyes.

Thomas looked at me sorrowfully, debating what to say. "You can't make that promise. You- I don't know whether you're even going to make it until the end of this mission. And I want to believe that."

"Don't say that, okay. Whatever happens just remember that I love you." I told him, heard even myself crumble underneath pain and fear, to pieces of what used to happiness, that long lost wish we hadn't even came close to fulfilling.

Thomas nodded shortly, breathed in to stabilise the uneven breathing and once again gripped me into a hug of true emotion, nothing hidden and nothing fake, just both of us lost and heavy, both of us afraid of loosing each other.

•

With waking of the first morning hours, came the first sign of what was now nested deeply inside my being— a lightheaded feeling, a feeling of everything spinning and spinning to the point I could not see it clearly as the only sight there was, was of a glazed over wall of gray and jello, something blurry in a wheel of colors the room was in.