It is still the fasting month. Ember took the job away from me. I felt an empty void inside my heart where life was supposed to be. Sharing the information with my friends does not help at all. They all uttered the same sentence: it was not God's path. Well, I wish it sounded as easy as they told me but even they could not understand what I feel. It was the beginning of my depression phase. A bud that is starting to blossom into a nightmare fueled life.
Ember is now working as a production manager for a local reality TV show. Here I am, scooping rice for hungry humans without any light in my eyes. I lost the will to work. I was basically working to help Fitz. All the neighboring stalls asked why was I so gloomy. The questioned my lack of excitement and my elephant hat. It was that obvious.
Ember kept calling me. And I kept answering.
She frequently asked me how to do her job. A job that I have been fully aware of doing. It poisons me from the inside whenever she does that. Whenever she calls just to ask for steps on how to be a production manager. It is really frustrating. Why did she took the job in the first place? Why not just let me do it? Why let me feel this way, Ember?
I kept asking the same question everyday while working in the scorching hot kitchen preparing food. Somehow the heat did not bother me anymore. I do not know if I have gotten used to the high heat or that I am too dead inside to even feel pain. Even Fitz is concerned about my behavior. I was not myself anymore. Even if I wasn't, I still hold on to Ember.
---
There I am under the hot sun, earning the same wage selling food to people. I am beginning to lose more than weight. I lost my appetite. For someone to be working during the fasting month, that particular individual could have developed an incomprehensible appetite for food. Not for me. The mouthwatering drinks, the fragrant foods, all never did me any favor. Apparently when Ember took the offer, she took whatever that is inside of me except for my body.
Ember is far away from me. Well, not exactly. We are still in the same state. Just too far for us to reach each other. Plus, I don't even have the intention of seeing her. I have no idea what would happen.
A huge part of me wanted to see her. A huge part of me denied my feelings. The rest of me just wanted solitude.
Even after what she did, I still love Ember. She was the only human being insane enough to understand me. The only person to accept the damages inside caused by a broken family. The one that could see me for my qualities even when I am bad at something.
Even after what she did, I still love her.
---
One week left till Eid. The other stall owners at the bazaar are beginning to pack up for good. The customers are depleting as majority of them are going back to the village to meet with other family members.
There we are, me and Fitz. Loyal as a dog, still selling Tomato Rice. We're just gonna sell what we can till the end of the fasting month. Fitz still needs to pay for his car loan. I still got to help him. At least, I am still in touch with a family.
Ember is still working as a production manager. She spends most of the day in a live studio. She is probably too busy to even text. Knowing that line of work, I understand her situation. Besides, she does not know how to conduct her duty as a production manager. So this all must be tiring for her.
At nights, she didn't even have the time to call me. And whenever I did give her a ring, it will be around less than 20 seconds before she said she is busy.
I lost my family, my house, my cats, now her? What else am I missing?
---
I still remember the time when she told me she wanted a ukulele. I saw that excitement in her eyes. I knew she wanted one really bad.
So I sold my camera.
I earned enough to get her one. I took the money that I got from selling the camera to some weird lady. She never looked like someone who is into photography but I kept being optimistic and thought that she might still be learning.
I took the train to meet up with the person I met online selling ukulele. I switched around 6 trains to meet the guy. Funny. I never felt any regret selling my camera. All I felt was the urge to see Ember smile. To be present for her. To witness her reaction when I hand her the ukulele.
It was breathtaking. The way she smiles. How her eyes teared up in glee because I bought her the thing she wanted most. That was what I wanted to see. It was pleasuring for me. To see her happy. To see her smile. To see her.
With that ukulele, she recorded herself singing 'La Vie en Rose' and gave it to me for my birthday. It was in the form of a USB, in a single folder named 'this is for you my birthday boy'. That was the single most beautiful rendition of 'La Vie en Rose' I have ever heard. And until this very day, I kept the video to myself. To remind me that someone somewhere loves me, or in this case, used to love me.
---
We were into the last few days of the fasting month. Fitz is already prepared for Eid. Fitz, Lanie and Sabreena all got matching clothes. We were still going on strong selling Tomato Rice for the last few days. Apparently we monopolized the market. No one else was selling heavy meals. The people visiting the bazaar had no choice but to buy from us.
I was busy prepping the rice in the kitchen. Fitz has his hands on cooking the chicken.
That was when I got a call from Ember.
I asked Fitz to keep an eye on the rice while I answer the phonecall.
Ember must have needed my advice again on how to do her job properly. I was starting to get used to getting calls like that from Ember.
So I answered the call.
I could hear the background ambiance. It was the familiar sound of a live studio. They probably have wrapped up for the day.
"Ember?"
I could still hear the background noise. I thought to myself that it is probably a pocket dial.
"Hey." she replied.
"Hey. What's wrong?"
She paused.
"Everything okay?" I continued.
"Listen, there is something I have to tell you." she sounded reluctant.
"Well, could you hurry? I gotta cook." I pushed.
"I am in a relationship with a guy I met on set." she said.
END.
YOU ARE READING
EMBER
Romance'Embers can glow very hot, sometimes as hot as the fire which created them.' Embark on the journey and see through the writer's eyes as he depicts one by one what may or may not have contributed to his depression. It is a story based loosely on the...
