HYYH 1 Notes (ENG)

What to Look for When Lost

HoSeok
2 March Year 22

I liked mingling with people. As soon as I left the orphanage, I started working at Two Star Burger as a part timer. I had to deal with countless people, smile constantly, and always look energetic. I loved that job. There'd been few things that made me smile or feel energetic in my life. I came across many more bad people than good people. That must've been why I enjoyed that job so much. While always squeezing out a laugh, deliberately speaking in a higher tone, and pretending to be cheerful in front of the customers, I actually did change. I felt better after laughing out loud and became more kind-hearted through working hard to serve customers in a friendly way. Of course, there were tough days. It took all my energy to
take each step on my way home at the end of the day. Sometimes I suffered from bullying customers. But I just smiled and laughed. Laughing gave
me new energy.

I graduated from high school in February. A high school diploma
didn't bring much change. It only
let me work more hours at the
burger joint. I made a little bit
more money, but it still wasn't
enough to move to a better room.
With the start of the new semester,
Two Star Burger was crowded with freshman looking dazed and upperclassmen trying to look mature. They were all cute. We used to be like them once. What are the others up to?
I thought of them from time to time.

The last time I saw SeokJin was the beginning of summer vacation. He seemed to be avoiding me, so I kept
my distance. I heard later that he transferred to another school.
YoonGi, as usual, didn't respond
to our calls, and no one knew what happened to NamJoon. TaeHyung,
who was particularly fond of NamJoon, began to ditch school at some point
and was said to be in and out of the police station for drawing graffiti on
the street. JungKook occasionally appeared in front of the glass door of the burger joint. It seemed like he was always getting into fights as he usually had cuts and bruises on his face. As for JiMin, the last time I saw him was
when he was wheeled out of the emergency room. The memories of
that day frequently crossed my mind and haunted me. Did I do something wrong? Did I miss something?

Another customer stepped into the store. I inhaled deeply and greeted
him in a high tone. I smiled a big
smile and looked towards the door.
It was someone I knew.

TaeHyung
29 March Year 22

After the owner of the gas station spit on the ground and left, I just continued to lie there bunched up on the ground. He had caught me drawing graffiti on the back wall, and he beat me mercilessly. I thought I was used to getting hit, but it turned out I wasn't.

I started spray-painting graffiti some time ago. I thoughtlessly sprayed paint on a wall from a can someone had thrown away. The yellow paint sprayed onto a gray wall stood out distinctly. The sight felt oddly uneasy. I picked up another paint can and sprayed it over the yellow paint. I didn't like it either. Soon, I had used up all the cans. After the last one ran out, I threw it on the ground and stepped back. I was out
of breath as if I had just sprinted at
full speed.

I didn't know what the colors on the wall signified. I didn't know what I
had drawn or why I had drawn it. But
I could tell that it showed the state of my mind. I had sprayed my mind onto the wall. At first, I thought it was ugly. And dirty. And stupid, useless, and pitiful. I didn't like it. I rubbed at the wet paint with the palm of my hand.
I wanted to erase it all. The layers of paint smudged and blended together
to create more combinations of colors. But I couldn't erase them. I sat down and leaned against the wall. It didn't matter whether I liked it or not. It
didn't matter whether it was ugly or
beautiful. It was just there as a part
of me.

I sat upright and began to cough.
Blood splattered onto the palm of
my hand. Someone's hand picked
up a spray can. I raised my head following the hand and a familiar
face came into sight. It was NamJoon. He held out his hand. I just kept
looking up at him. NamJoon pulled
me up. His hand was warm.