Yea, u see me smile. I seem happy, like nothing's wrong. I've always been told I can be a good actor. I'm crying on the inside, so hard it feels like I'll explode. I can never say the one thing I need to tell you the most, please, help me. I go to school everyday hoping it'll turn out good, and always come home wondering why I don't find a blade and put it to my wrist, well forearm, no-one would check there....
Out of all of my friends I'm the least important. I'm not funny, talkative, attractive, or cool. I'm quiet, sad, hurt, ugly, and a loser. I trained myself to not cry as easily as the average human, but I always do when I'm alone in my room, lights off, curtains closed. I laugh and smile on the outside, when on the inside I'm hoping someone will see I'm faking it and just ask these words "I know that's not u. tell me what's wrong." because I'm beginning to feel like no one cares. There has been countless times when I'm crying alone in my room, with a knife across my wrist, trying to not slide the blade and let the scarlet blood drip and drip....until I wake up in a hospital room.
I'm not okay, so stop believing me. I need help, and you say I'm not alone but it sure as hell seems like it when I'm laying down at 3 am wondering if people will notice if I kill myself. This is all I have for the moment, so bye. I have a feeling I'm gonna update this a good bit....
