Deceit. [COMPLETED.]

Chapter 6

The start of a lasting friendship.
TEN YEARS AGO.
[JENNIFER STAMFORD]

The room felt cold.

Opposite, a young girl was talking. Her name was Tina Laroche. She was a pleasant girl with short dark hair and little younger than Jenny with the same rounded abdomen indicating that for both motherhood was not too far away.

'And of course it was really beautiful, peaceful too and when poppa lifted me up on his shoulders you could see for miles.'

She was talking about her childhood, a world apart from that of Jenny's.

'Food was nice if you liked rabbit. There was always plenty of them running around and if we moved near a farm we would get the occasional chicken too.'

It had taken a whole day to get here. Two car journeys and a flight across the English Channel.

'It will be  for the best. Only a few months and then who knows ... maybe a trip somewhere. Somewhere nice.'

A never ending pack of lies. She tried to fight them. She tried to refuse to come here but it didn't do any good. No one cared. No one believed her. They were all the same, all wanting to get rid of her, hide her away somewhere so no one would know what had happened.

'And that's when I saw him by the canal. He was tall and handsome. It was love at first sight. Not just by me but he felt it too.'

Jenny lifted her head slightly and scanned their room, sighing inwardly at how small it was. There hardly seemed enough space to fit the two single beds in it let  alone an additional solitary worn out dressing table; all a far cry from the splendour of her own room back home. The warmth, the thickly draped curtains, the rich burgundy carpet that you could sink your toes into, a place fit for a princess only she didn't feel like one any more. Not after being brought to this godforsaken place.

'He's dead now though you know; my poppa. He got into a fight. I was only ten. My mum re-married. I don't blame her but it just wasn't the same.'

Death. So many people die. So many people are torn from this world never to be seen again.

'Look sis. It will be over in a jiffy. You'll see.'

He should have fought for her. Why didn't he even say something, anything to show that he cared but he didn't; offering instead days later his same condescending smile as if everything was going to be alright but it wouldn't be, would it? Not anymore.

Except perhaps the baby.

At least she would have a child and there wasn't a day that went by where she didn't hope and pray that it wasn't his and that it had in fact been conceived out of love and not hate.

Above each bed was a large wooden cross, no doubt, she thought bitterly, as a sign that everyone here should reach out in an act of repentance but why? How dare they even think that what had happened to her had been wrong and needed forgiveness.

An image suddenly appeared in her head and she was grateful. Of a warm summer's night in which two young people walked hand in hand through the grounds of an old Manner House with the sun setting and the air full of joy and expectation.

And 'Love.'

Such a small word and yet filled with so much hope.

'... and then there was Felix our dog, a lovely little bulldog he was. He used to waddle as he walked. Such a funny little thing he was.'

Jenny closed her eyes.

' ... but it was his horse I really liked. He owns this huge beautiful black stallion. So gentle and I could even feed him out of my hand.'

Closed eyes meant darkness and nothingness and places where she could hide in; places that had no pain and where hands could never hold you down or touch you where you didn't want to be touched.

'But I don't think anyone really cared. I mean it was just how it was. We roamed. We played. It was just how we lived I suppose.'

Fingers rotated around the thumbs of each hand, a mechanism to try and stop the pain. Her psychiatrist said that it would take her mind away from the dark thoughts. But what did she know? She hadn't been raped. She hadn't been violated.

And then there was the swaying ... back and forth, back and forth like the pendulum of a clock. She couldn't stop the swaying. Was she going crazy? Maybe that was why she had been sent here. Maybe the nuns were just a pretend. Maybe they were all doctors and nurses.

'Hot food. That's what did it. Mama said it was the sex but it wasn't.'

So many horrible things said. 

Jenny began to massage her wrists. Another mechanism, not told to her by her psychiatrist but one if her own to wipe away his touch. The rotation of her fingers was supposed to stop the massaging but she could see his face now, feel his breath; it made her rub harder.

Her skin was turning red. She increased her grip even more. Round and round she moved her hand until more pain, more pain than he had ever given her.

And then her heart rate slowed. Her shoulders sagged and she started to feel at peace. Pain self inflicted was not pain in her eyes. She was responsible for it and this meant that she was in charge of when it would stop.

Sunlight came through the small window above their beds. She could see the streaks of light and all the minuscule dust particle floating around in the air, tiny objects that had been around since time began and would would still be around thousands of year from now filling infinite rooms and spaces with their presence ...

And then her new friend stopped talking.

'I'm boring you aren't I?' Tina Laroche said apologetically. 'I'm really sorry. Too much mouth, that's my problem. Always has been, that's what got me into this mess,' she said grinning and patting her stomach.

'Oh but I do love horses.'

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Dark thoughts. Dark deeds. Who wants them?

Thank you as always for your reads. Comment and like if you can. JU x