The Choir He Wanted, The LIfe He Had

Monday, October 2, 1934

I heard someone rush into the bathroom, but I didn't think much of it. I heard them run into the stall to the left of the one I was in, then they slammed and locked the door. I heard the rustling sounds of them trying frantically to take off their pants, and after a few seconds, I heard the person get onto the toilet. Finally, I heard a familiar trickling sound and heard the person sigh with relief.

Since I had finished, I moved my left foot to the other side of the toilet and looked over the side of the stall. When I saw who was in the stall next to me, I gasped in excitement.

"Hi, Ralph!" I exclaimed.

Ralph looked over in my direction, and when he saw me he screamed. In his sudden fear, the urine that was going into the toilet began streaming onto the floor. When he realized this he yelled and covered the stream with his shirt. He closed his eyes, and for a few seconds, there was nothing. When the trickling noise started again, he looked up at me angrily.

"Look what you made me do!" he said, pointing to the floor and holding out his shirt, which now had a spot of urine on it. Instead of apologizing, I said "That was wizard!" in a voice of pure awe. Ralph's expression got angrier.

"That wasn't supposed to happen!" he cried.

"That was still cool," I said. Raph didn't respond. After a few seconds, he asked,

"How can you see over the stall?"

"I'm standing on the toilet," I said. Ralph's expression changed to one of confusion.

"Why?" he asked.

"I was peeing," I said.

"While standing on the toilet?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why are you peeing while sitting down?" I asked.

"Why are you standing on the toilet?" he asked.

"That's how I learned," I said.

"Well, the same goes for me," Ralph said, looking away.

"Who taught you that?" I asked.

"My mum," Ralph replied.

"Is that because your daddy was never around?" I asked.

Ralph's demeanor instantly changed. I could see it. I could feel it. I had crossed a line. Majorly.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ralph asked after a long pause.

I couldn't respond. After about a minute, Ralph asked,

"What does Daddy not being here have to do with how I go pee?"

I was about to answer when Ralph suddenly cut me off.

"Actually, don't answer that," he said. He looked at me, then said, "The question you should be answering is: Where were your parents? I'm sure they didn't teach you to stand on the toilet."

"No," I said. "I taught myself that."

"Why?" Ralph asked. "Weren't your parents there? Why didn't they teach you?"

"Why are you asking questions?" I asked, now slightly offended. "You're being rude."

"I'm being rude?" Ralph yelled. "Do you even know what 'rude' means? You should start thinking about what you say before you say it!"

Both of us were silent. Ralph began sniffling. I felt really bad for what I had said at this point. Ralph looked away from me, and after a few seconds he said,