2020 WATTYS WINNER in NEW ADULT!
Oliver Ausman has been given a second chance at life, but it's hard to feel grateful when he was the one trying to end it in the first place.
Returning to his normal life after being released from the hospital is har...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
It's still too early for the sun to be out as we enter Maryland, but it doesn't do anything to dampen Charlie's enthusiasm when Google Maps' robotic tone lets us know we've crossed the state line.
"You know, I've never been to another state before. What's Maryland like?" His eyes are glued to the road like he's afraid he might miss something, even though the only things we've seen so far are highway, buildings, and cars.
"It's..." I frown, embarrassed to admit that I don't know how to answer. Charlie might not know it, but my knowledge of life outside of Virginia doesn't go much farther than his. "Probably like anywhere else at four in the morning. And technically you have been out of state-- Aunt Lisa's wedding was in Florida, we flew down there for a few days. I think you were... two?"
"It doesn't count if I can't remember it," he says it like it should be obvious.
I have to wonder how much he'll remember from this trip when he's my age-- I can't honestly say I remember much from when I was eight, but maybe that's because I had no reason to. It was all school and homework, blanketed by mindless TV and video games.
Hopefully, this'll be worth remembering for both of us. Maybe Charlie doesn't realize it, but he's really the only friend I have. I didn't take him with me just to piss off Mom and Peter; I took him because I want Charlie to like me. If there's any chance I can get him to see me as his older brother again-- just his older brother, not his older brother who tried to off himself-- then I'll take it and run with it as far as I can.
"Can we get something to eat?" he asks, drawing me from my thoughts. I can't ignore the way the question makes me realize the empty feeling in my gut, which I'm guessing has gone unnoticed only thanks to the nerves stirring around in there.
The adrenaline is all still here, by the way, and at this point it's almost annoying. It's hard to think properly about the whole situation when my heart still hasn't slowed to a normal pace and my brain keeps repeating the same worries, absentmindedly expecting my phone to ring any minute and pull me from this thing before it even really starts. Logically I know Mom and Peter won't be up for hours, and won't expect us to be up on a weekend anytime before ten. But right now my brain isn't accepting logic, too busy airing its unrealistic worries.
"Yeah, sure," I answer, trying not to let my anxiety show. If Charlie wants to have fun, that's what I'm determined to give him. "That's a good idea. What do you want?"
»»--⍟--««
The chime above IHOP's door jingles as it closes behind us. We didn't have too many options at such a weird hour, but thankfully Charlie loves pancakes. He was a new league of ecstatic when he found out the restaurant was open twenty-four hours.
It's quiet, save for the soft jazz crackling through the speakers and the distant sounds of the kitchen, which I can't imagine is too busy. The host stand is empty, so I occupy myself by looking out at the seating area as we loiter at the entrance.
