Oliver Ausman Lives Again

twenty five

The hotel room is nice enough, but undeniably several huge steps down compared to the suite at the Millenium. Even though Peter said it was okay to use the card, I want to prove that I can handle the rest of this trip on my own, which meant I needed to skimp on the room. It's small, but so is the price. There's a couch facing an old TV, a compact kitchen area, and a bed-- there's only one, but Kat already insisted Charlie and I take it, offering to crash on the couch. 

Charlie calls dibs on the first shower and heads off to the bathroom, while Kat sits at the small table in the kitchen. I take the seat across from her and stretch out my legs, which are stiff from the long drive. 

"You're really not mad?" Kat asks, breaking the silence. I hear the shower turn on in the bathroom and know that once again I'm alone with Kat, with no Charlie around to help me.

It's starting to get easier to talk to her on my own, which I think in part is because we got such heavy stuff out of the way so early on. It's weird to think I opened up to her in such a short amount of time, but even if it does make me a little uncomfortable, I don't regret it. Maybe my sleeve riding up at the gas station wasn't such a bad thing after all-- the two of us have gotten to know each other a lot since then.

I shake my head to answer her question. Maybe under different circumstances, I would've been upset with her for making up a story like that, but after learning that basically my entire life was a lie, Kat's fib hardly seems like anything. Plus, Charlie's right: if Kat didn't lie then she most likely wouldn't be here, and there's no way I would trade her company for knowing the truth sooner. "Not mad. Just curious."

"I know it must seem pretty weird," she says, cracking a sheepish smile. "I promise, I'm not on the lam or anything."

I give her a look of fabricated doubt. "Sounds like something someone on the lam would say."

She laughs, shaking her head. "I just... I wanted to get away. I saw the opportunity and I couldn't stop myself from taking it. It sounds pretty stupid, but it's the truth."

"At the pizza parlor, you said the reason you decided to leave wasn't really tangible," I remember.

"It's... I dunno." She sighs and looks down at her hands, picking nervously at the cuticle of her thumbnail. "Have you ever wanted to be someone else? Like, a different version of yourself?"

I nod, watching as she seems to contemplate her next words.

"Sometimes it feels like I've wasted my whole life wishing that. And I know it's my own fault, which only makes it worse."

"Why's it your fault?"

"Well, I could change my life anytime I want to-- but hating the monotony doesn't mean I'm not scared of losing it, unfortunately. Still, as crazy and unreasonable as the idea is, I've thought about it a lot before-- packing up and going somewhere where nobody knows me. Starting from scratch. Forcing myself to get out there and actually live, you know?"