Sleepless, a Poofless ff

A Mask Made Of Canvas

Listen to "Wrong Side of Heaven" from Five Finger Death Punch

Chapter 11, A Mask Made of Canvas

Vikk only wanted one thing. It was something he'd seen many people take advantage of, or overlook completely. Vikk just wanted to be happy. He couldn't quite pinpoint how this emotion seemed so distant, nor how it surfaced whenever it wanted to. Vikk was somewhat angry at himself, thinking that he is selfish, to have so much but still feel alone. It's seemed so far away, the smiles and laughs that were shared with friends and lovers. Being alone meant he had to think, and thinking meant he had to remove the canvas that served as a mask. The canvas in which he painted his emotions and forced his laughter.

He was indeed lost. Lost within his own head. a swirling mess of fear. He was scared of being happy, because it felt like a trick. The world teasing him in ways he could not bear. Stepping out of his car, he replaced the canvas and painted his piece. It was all a trick. A sick lie, a tall-tale, and he felt like the character that didn't belong.

"Rob!" He called out to the man leaning against the doors. He was tired. Tired of waking up in the morning to the same thing thing, tired of feeling like he would never make it any further. It felt like a lie, when he enjoyed himself, a lie that crumbled down when nobody was there to distract him. Perhaps more so the fact that something shattered when he was forced to think, and face life itself. Seeing so many people make it through life, have families, it hurt the most. It felt like an impossible point. Vikk felt like there was nothing more he could do.

Rob ran up to him, a smile overtaking the frown that had occupied his face a mere second ago. It was almost as if the group had created their own characters, to laugh and grin, and to last for as long as possible. They stood for a few seconds, embracing the warmth of each other's arms.

"How was the visit?" Vikk managed, the mask returning, his biggest lie repeating once again.

"Don't even get me started." Rob murmured against the fabric of Vikk's sweater, the corners of his mouth forming a grin. " How are you?" He said, pulling away.

"Great." Vikk responded, swallowing down his guilt. It felt harder and harder to fake his happiness. Giving up seemed so tempting.

"Wrists." Rob said sternly, meeting the younger man's eyes and never breaking away.

"Why? I'm fine Rob." Vikk said, pulling his arms away from Rob's grasp.

"Then why does it matter?" Rob returned, searching Vikk's face. Vikk had no response to that, unwillingly giving in. A sigh escaped his mouth as he held his arms out. He wasn't scared, he wasn't even guilty at this point, looking up at Rob and not looking down as he pulled his sleeves up.

"Vikk." Rob said. He looked disappointed, and Vikk hated that. Vikk still refused to look down. He didn't exactly care. He seemed to drift off into his thoughts. Hearing only faint murmurs from Rob. He felt Rob's fingers running down the angry red lines that littered his wrists, his face solemn. "I'm staying here with you." He finished, the creases beneath his eyes showing his exhaustion.

"Rob, you can't, you've got to get home, and the guys will clearly notice if we move in together."

"Then we just tell them." Rob returned, making Vikk's eyes widen. "Vikk it's not that big of a deal, they won't mind. I know they won't."

"I guess." Vikk said, fear evident in his eyes.

"I just want to be here for you Vikk..." He trailed off. "Can't you tell me what's wrong?" Vikk stood there, unsure of what to do, Rob's urgent eyes burning into him.

"Well Rob, is it a problem when living becomes a chore?"

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The entire community seemed to be falling apart. One of the main groups hadn't been active for days. Adam was spacing out, he seemed to have given up on his entire channel, and comedy, barely answering Skype calls. Maybe it was guilt that overcame him, because something had changed, his face melancholy, confusion clear in his eyes. It seemed like the enthusiasm that was once there had been drained from everyone, with Minecon ending early, and people breaking down.

Adam sat in his office chair, he hated himself. Hated himself for ruining what he had before. The endless ringing coming from Skype only angered him more. If only he could completely escape. Leave it all behind. But he just couldn't, he couldn't leave behind the life he'd made for himself within the golden years of videos, friendships, games, and doing whatever he wanted to do. Within just a week it seemed to be a thing of the past.

A ringing noise came from the computer once again, and Adam turned around, about to shut it off from annoyance. He stopped though, when the name popped up on the screen.

Call from: Jayrome (A/N I have no idea how Skype works...I only use teamspeak)

He smiled, remembering the names they'd created for each other. With a second glance at the screen, he answered the call.

"Adam!" He called, the smile Adam had missed so much appearing through his webcam. "You picked up." He chuckled, and Adam stopped to look through at his surroundings.

"Where are you?" Adam replied, observing the white walls and lines of chairs.

"Hospital, we're visiting Preston again, they're probably letting him out soon."

"Oh yeah, how is he?" Adam asked, a smile returning to his face as he remembered his late night conversations with Jerome, and the jokes they shared.

"Getting better, Rob's been pretty stressed, but I mean, when is he not?"

"Good point." Adam laughed.

"Do you think we could do something together soon?" Jerome asked, scratching the back of his head. Adam missed this. He missed things feeling so casual.

"I would love to." He replied.

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I'm in a car right now. Just though you'd like to know that. My cousin's having a wedding next weekend and I've got to get a freaking dress. I don't do that. Ugh. I really despise this whole cocktail dress thing. I WANT SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. But like seriously. The support is crazy awesome, but I want people to tell me if I'm doing anything wrong, because I want to make this the best for you guys.

Gimme all da hate <3

Bye!