Depressed Rants...I Think

Weigh Me Down

Depression should wear a bell or something. It'd be nice to have some kind of warning when you're about to suddenly feel the weight of the world on your shoulders.

I stare blankly out the window as my mom turns into our driveway. The entire car ride from the store to home was silent, a stark contrast to the laughter that filled the space on the way there. My mom doesn't break the silence as we take in the groceries. The sudden change in my mood isn't a new occurrence.

After all the groceries are inside and my mom tells me she can put them away on her own, I close the door to my bedroom and sigh. Time to decide on a distraction.

My eyes dart around my room to various objects. My laptop, I can watch Dan and Phil or maybe Shane. My Playstation, maybe some Skyrim can help me escape for a while. My iPod, music is always a good choice. The huge pile of notebooks on one of my shelves, I could try to write something. Finally, I pick up the first book of my favorite series; Percy Jackson and the Olympians. It's been a while since I've read about Percy's life.

Laying down on my bed, I open up the book and I already feel a million times better reading the first sentence out loud. "Look, I didn't want to be a halfblood."

I get lost for what seems to be the millionth time in the world Rick Riordan creates through the eyes of twelve-year-old Percy Jackson. It isn't until my mom knocks on my door and peeks in, telling me that dinner's ready, that I glance at my phone to look at the time. 7:13. I've been reading for 3 hours.

Dinner starts off quiet but a few comments from my stepfather chip at the happy illusion I'd created while reading. I push my plate away, my appetite lost as the world bears down on me again, and shut myself in my room after saying a quick thanks to my mom.

My phone vibrates every once in a while with a text or a Kik message but I don't bother responding. I'll come up with an excuse that I got sick or something when I feel better. Really, I can't be bothered. Holding a conversation is too much work in my current state.

I open up my laptop and go to Youtube, watching Dan and Phil's gaming channel from the beginning. My mom comes in to say goodnight and I notice it's 10:30.

With a yawn, I shut down and clear my bed. After brushing my teeth, I curl up under my comforter and hug my stuffed wolf. At least I know tomorrow, if only for a little while, the world won't weigh me down.