The pine forest closed up behind me. Darkness curled around the tree trunks and I suddenly realized that I was smelling my way along. The ferns rustled at my passing, there individual scents trickle past. Somewhere in the dark I picked up a follower. Something off to my left, whisper quiet, but keeping pace with me. The damp ground cool on my footpads, sent a shiver along my spine.
Then the light breeze shifted with a rustle of needles overhead, and I knew who it was.
Apoc.
He'd been waiting for me.
I chuffed a laugh. Waiting for me to give up on being a human? Waiting for me to realize that I no longer wanted or needed the comforts of a house or a building to be home? Waiting for me to realize that the human world was no longer my world? What was I supposed to learn? That the old paradigm of behavior, culture, and life no longer had control over me? It was strangely freeing to find that I hadn't considered what anyone else thought about me in days. I felt I was free from the bondage of society and felt an odd pang of fear as if I'd suddenly realized I was lost in the forest.
Was I wild? Was that what he was waiting for me to finally realize?
My pace unconsciously slowed as my brain went into overdrive. Had Shen changed me so much that I truly was wild? No longer able to be civilized, was I only able to perform as necessary to get my immediate needs of food and shelter filled? Was that what we all are anyways, just performing monkeys, doing the absolute minimum to meet our perceived needs? Programmed to continue, to reproduce, to hope, to fight, to strive and that desire we all have, had it just been twisted and used. Had our innate human desire for progress had been bent so far that it may as well be working against our own survival?
Survival of the species had become this obligation, this weight on our hearts. Survival was instinctual, it was built into the mechanism of life. But what about me? What was built into me? Was there anything there inside of me - did Shen take out the human parts and leave nothing in it's place? I used to wonder why Shen wanted to torture me. I realized it was more than that, I was more than just the logical conclusion of a train of thought or the expression of some theoretical idea. I had some sort of sentimental power for him, some meaning beyond my mere creation.
Somehow Apoc seemed to know that I needed to feel the space around me. To once again immerse myself in the wild and become more of what I was now. I loped along somehow comforted by my invisible companion. I didn't veer closer to him and he didn't approach.
I wasn't alone. Even after all that Shen had done to turn me into something that was never meant to exist, something unique and wholly alone. I'd still found someone. Or something.
And then I was struck by a thought, 'What if I was created for Apoc?'
I stopped and stared into the dark.
What if my meaning and existence was tied to my silent partner? My shadow. My wolf.
I smiled into the dark at that, my claiming this wild animal companion as mine. Was he mine? Or I his? I couldn't remember the nature shows about the mating habits of wolves. I didn't really pay that close of attention. I was always kind of afraid of them truthfully. And there weren't wolves where I was from they were mythical creatures in the mountains. There were places in some northern states I heard stories where wolves were so hated they were shot on sight. We could be a pair, a couple even, the animalistic equivalent of a marriage and I wouldn't even know it.
A stab of fear. Was Washington a state like that, where wolves were hunted and shot on sight? I couldn't remember.
Soft as a whisper Apoc padded into view in front of me. We circled sniffing. I could tell he was happy that I was away from that house, from those people. He'd never fully trusted Granny or her family. And he seemed to know somehow that this was not a quick jaunt for me, that I was leaving Granny's house for good.
I heard sirens far in the distance.
They seemed to pulse over the trees in the direction of the house, Apoc and I glanced back.
More sirens joined in raising their voices in an errie warbling song.
Quiet as a whisper a large helicopter chuffed overhead just above the trees heading towards Grandma's house. It glowed faintly red in the dark and was gone as quickly as it appeared. The only evidence were the swirling leaves churned up in it's wake.
Apoc and I glanced at each other in the twilight, his eyes gleamed. We both took off running away from the house. We couldn't be sure that they were headed to Granny's but it was safer for everyone in town if we were far away from there as soon as possible.
