Addicted to Mr Right

Opening old wounds

We ate breakfast, then Hugh showed me the rest of his home, it was bigger then I first expected, it was beautiful.

I was in the lounge thinking about this person coming, I could feel myself going tense.

How am I going to open them wounds I have closed off from?

What will happen when I open them?

Can I cope with this?

Hugh came in, he had been on a call, that guy never seems to stop work and to think I thought he was lazy when I first met him. he was wearing his shorts and vest ready for training.

"You ok, you look a million miles away?"

"Hugh I wish I was to be honest!"

"I can't imagine how hard this must be, but I am here for you ok!"

"I know and I am grateful for you."

"She will be here in 10 minutes, where would you like to talk to her?"

"Some where comfortable, maybe your room, I don't know?"

"Yeh sure, no one will bother you!"

"Thanks Hugh."

I go upstairs and wait, it felt longer the 10 minutes and I felt sick, the door opened.
Hugh and a tall, dark woman came in, she looked professional, yet her face was warming and it sort of made me relax, I have to do this I thought!

"Alex this is Mrs Ashton she is the best therapist in New York."

"Hello Alex, thank you Hugh I will take it from here, she will be fine."

"Ok Alex I'm just going to be downstairs if you need me."

"Ok thanks Hugh."

"Right Alex my name is Vera, I will be writing everything down that you tell me, no one will ever know what is in this fill except me and you, ok."

"Ok Vera, thank you."

"Ok start from the beginning Alex, when your ready."

"Well I was thirteen when I met joey he was lovely, very charming, attractive young man. he was nearly seventeen and I couldn't believe he was into me.
Obviously with his age and my overprotective parents who wanted me to focus on my education I couldn't tell them about him, the only person that really knew about him was my best friend but I made her promise me not to tell anyone and she didn't."

Vera didn't speak, so I continued...

"I was in his garage when he first asked me for sex I was nervous but in love so I let him take it, I felt fine but I was sore, he wasn't very gentle with me even though it was my first ever time, then he wanted it again and I was so sore so I said no! from then things got worse.

He called me names he said I was ugly and fat and no one would ever want me, that I was a tease!
He made me do things that I didn't want to do but I was scared and the few times I did stand up to him he would hurt me, slapping and punching, whipping me with belts, spitting in my face then locking me in his cupboard for hours naked.

I would have to go to the toilet on my self then he would burn my groin as punishment, I would say sorry but he never stopped, never he just got worse!"

"Alex how long were you with joey, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Till I was eighteen," I started to cry I couldn't hold it in any more.

"I should have been stronger, I know this but he was bigger and I was so scared of him, I wanted to ask for help but I couldn't, the thing that hurt most of all was my best friend had to cover my wounds with makeup so my parents didn't notice.
I couldn't escape! he said he will always find me!"

"So how did you leave him?"

"I went to London university and then moved here straight after!"

"But you are now having vivid nightmares?"

"Yes, well I used to have the nightmare but they stopped in London, now they are back and what is worse I am walking around and talking when I am asleep, please help me!"

"Alex, you have had a very traumatic time, for 5 years you have been abused by someone you loved, he took advantage of you whilst you were a youth, what you have to remember this is not your fault none of this!
He has the problem not you, your very strong to have gone through that and now having the courage to tell me all the cruel things that monster did to you, I need you to realise that you are very special and worth more than he could ever be!"

I felt lifted and relieved that she was willing to just listen and not judge me, could I be this strong person she was talking about? could I really put this to bed now?

"Alex this isn't going to be easy, it will take time, it will be hard and very upsetting but in time you will come to terms with the fact that he is the monster not you!"

"Vera thank you so much."

"This is my card, Hugh knows where I am if you need me and I my number is on there if you need to ring anytime ok!"

"Ok thanks again Vera."

With that she left me there, I felt raw and vulnerable, I curled up and cried myself to sleep.

Hugh was coming in from training when he saw Mrs Ashton coming downstairs, she had gone pale and look distraught, there was a tear in her eye. fuck! this had hit her hard, she was a tough Woman to crack and an hour with Alex and she looked like she was going to break herself.

When she notice Hugh she composed herself.

"How is she Vera?"

"Vulnerable right now, look after her Hugh!"

"I will Vera."

"No I don't think you understand she isn't like your other woman, she is fragile and with what I know, look just make sure you look after her ok!"

"Shit Vera was it that bad?"

"I am not at liberty to say but I have never been shocked until now!"

"Good bye Vera, I will contact you"

"Ok Hugh, see you Tuesday, bye"

I think I was asleep for about an hour, when I woke Hugh was stroking my face, my eyes were sore from crying, he didn't speak but I could see he was hurting inside.

"How are you Alex."

"Confused, but I think I feel lighter, I like her Hugh. how do you know Vera Hugh?"

"I have been seeing Vera since I was seven and I have got to say I have never seen her the way she left, whatever you said really effected her, I think you knocked the wind out of her!"

"Does she still want to see me, or is it too much?"

"She will never give up on you, she is a great woman Alex."

"Hugh I don't deserve you!"

"Alex you deserve much more baby!"