I was a fraud
When I was a kid, I used to watch those children happily running in front of our house. I see them all soaked up in rain, mud covered their clothes and through the heavy rain I see their glowing smiles. I envy them -- I know it was a mortal sin to envy anyone, but I just can't help it.
I was raised by a family who values pride over happiness, rules over freedom, and expectations over affection. No, I was not from a rich family lineage but I was expected to be prim and proper specially when there are other people around. I was flaunted with pride by my Mama in front of her Amiga's whenever there's a get-together. I was obliged to dress well- no vulgar dresses, no untied shoelaces and no strayed hair. I was all for the show.
I was often told to keep quiet, not to butt-in on adults' conversations. When being asked a question I should answer respectfully. That is why a lot of people adored me -- almost wishing I was their daughter -- for it was rare to find a child as behaved as me in our community.
Growing up, I realized I was not happy. I was robbed of my childhood that was suitable for me. I lived a life which was not actually mine. I was a fraud. A pauper pretending to be a princess.
"Mama, can I play outside with Jane and the others?" My three-year-old daughter asks me. I am now twenty-one and she's the result of my rebellious years. I look at her, I had sworn when I gave birth that I will not make the same mistakes of my parents. I promised I will let her have her life. "Mama, Mama, can I?" She asks some more.
"No you can't. I don't want to see you all dressed up with dirt again. Your godmothers will drop by later so you have to be presentable." I answer with finality.
-ds-
YOU ARE READING
Collectanea
General FictionWhen you've got no one to talk to, you tend to have a gazillion of thoughts... At one point you think your head would explode so you pour them out on a blank paper, creating a masterpiece and when you're done, maybe you'll stash them somewhere compl...
