The Prodigal

Chapter 15

"So, how's it going?" I ask awkwardly, on the phone with Jonathon. He called me like we'd planned. His number had to come up on my phone bill to make this arrangement work.

"Fantastic. I think having you in the picture is going to motivate David to finally leave his wife. I can tell it makes him jealous that I'm going to be spending so much time with you."

"Really? Does he think you're attracted to me?" I ask.

"He knows I'm not. But that's how I can tell he loves me. I make him crazy."

"My Father says love shouldn't be like that. He says lust makes you blind and think you're in love." I realize as I say this it might be offensive to David, but I'm curious to find out what his defense of the situation will be. The way he rationalizes his faith and his passion mesmerizes me.

"Isn't the Song of Solomon in the Bible?" Jonathon asks.

"Hmm..." is all I can manage to mutter when I think about the verses I would awkwardly skip over when reading the Bible.

"Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden that its fragrance may be wafted abroad. Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits..." Jonathon quotes.

"Well, I guess when you put it that way." I muse, oddly excited by the conversation. "How did I miss so much? I've read the whole Bible, like, three times."

"You were too focused on the fire and brimstone. Kind of kills the romance."

The more I think about it, there is a lot of sex in the Bible. David and Bathsheba. Judah and his daughter-in-law. Lot and his actual daughters. People before the flood of Noah running around sleeping with half-angels. It all makes me feel like even more of a prude than going to college ever has.

Jonathon and I have had to pretend the awkwardness between us when we act like boyfriend and girlfriend is repressed sexual tension and not an acute lack of it. Only Jael holds that secret, and even she doesn't know the whole truth. Jonathon makes me swear that his being gay will stay between me, him, and Eli.

"He has to know. It would ruin your relationship otherwise. But we can't trust Jael" he'd said.

"There's no way I can hide that I'm seeing Eli from her. What's she going to think?"

"Is it that bad if she thinks a little less of you? She isn't exactly the Virgin Mary herself."

"Jael is just...unpredictable" I say. I think that I should be able to trust Jael, but I can never be sure.

"Hey, if I'm wrong and you get found out, you can always out me as revenge, right?" Jonathon suggests.

"I guess. Although I don't even know if that would distract my Father if he finds out I have a boyfriend."

"Relax. You can still be saved. You haven't given up your sacred V" Jonathon teases.

"Not yet" I retort, smirking a little.

"Oh damn! Keep me posted on the gory details."

"I've got to give us something to talk about, right?"

"Amen" Jonathon agrees. We say goodnight and hang up. It's funny how a lie has brought me such a fast friend.

*

Standing at the foot of the steps to the art museum, I can almost hear Eli performing the Rocky theme music with his hands over his mouth to make trumpet sounds. I close my eyes for a moment and travel in my mind, next to him on the couch. The menu was cheesesteaks he'd made with a side of soft pretzels washed down with Yuengling and we watched Rocky and Silver Linings Playbook.

"After this weekend you're going to want to drop everything and go on a trip home with me" he'd joked. We were pretty buzzed and pretending to dance like Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence when I tripped and nearly bashed my face on his coffee table when he caught me.

"Holy shit!" I said, and we both started laughing.

"Hang on, I have something for you" Eli said, setting me on the couch and going into his bedroom. He came out with a Randall Cunningham jersey. "My Dad bought this for my Mom when they were on a date at a game. One day you're going to wear it to a game with me."

"I love it!" I exclaimed. I looked down at it and bit my lip. "Hang on" I'd said and scurried into his bedroom. I took off all my clothes and slid on the jersey. I can feel the rush of excitement and nerves that flowed through my body as I stepped back out. I couldn't quite read the look on Eli's face as I approached him. He was still sitting on the couch and I walked over and knelt down right in front of him.

"I love you" I said, not knowing what to do next. Eli smiled like someone had handed him a million dollars.

"I love you too. So much." He ran his hands through my hair and leaned forward to kiss me. I had looked into his eyes, taken a deep breath in, and wrapped my arms around his shoulder, pulling myself up onto his lap. I kissed his neck and reached down for the button on his jeans for the first time.

"Are you sure?" he'd asked, pulling away for a moment to look me directly in the eyes.

"One hundred percent" I'd said.

In the present I feel a tear slide down my cheek and open my eyes. Adam is standing next to me, pretending to look away. When he realizes my eyes are open again he turns to me directly.

"You alright?" He asks softly, lighting a cigarette.

"Yeah. Those give you cancer, you know that, right Doc?" I say, hoping a joke will deflect a little of the guilt and sadness that of course has to rear its ugly head again.

"Must have left before I learned that part" Adam replies, taking a drag but not moving towards the stairs. It's like he can tell I'm not quite ready. I'm stuck in a trance of wishing I had something to trade for a chance to go to the game with Eli that we never made it to. For over a year after that day I'd pushed off going home with him, denying such a big part of what our relationship could have been. Eli had made me feel like he would wait forever. I know he wanted to, but I guess he couldn't. And I pushed him to that point. It was the only explanation. I take a short breath and start for the staircase. What's done is done. Maybe this is some sort of penance.