letter to a best friend

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dear rebecca,

i want to call you my best friend. but, as of late, i'm not too sure.
scratch that, you are my best friend, but i don't think i'm yours.

don't get me wrong, i have no problem with you hanging out with other people besides me and lola it's just, the way you speak of these people with me, makes me think that you're hanging out with them just for popularity??

lyla brenner and gemma fritz. they're sweet, at times. i don't really like them if i'm honest. you know this. lyla makes me plain uncomfortable and gemma makes me insecure. again, i don't care that you hang out with them, they're nice girls conditionally it's just, they're popular, which is great, for them. it's just i think you're changing. first you hung out with lyla and got mad when i took the piss out of some stupid shit involving you guys. then you slept over at gemma's after going to the beach, then a couple days after, lyla slept at yours.

i don't wanna say i told you so. but i will.

i mentioned this would happen a while ago. do you recall that time in music when i said to you i feel like you're almost gonna ditch me and lola for them? and i got this feeling off of one minor thing—you ignoring me in the morning cos you were sat with lyla.

now when we were supposed to catch up today, you never followed through. i guessed you were busy but i saw later that you were actually with lyla.

again. not mad that you're hanging with lyla, just mad you'd drop me for her.

i'm insecure, rebecca, you know this. i don't have many people i'd classify as "friends", rather, acquaintances.

you, lola, emilia and carla (maybe the other emilia) are my close friends. rebecca i just don't feel good enough now.

a part of me is jealous because i wanna be able to talk to lyla without feeling uncomfortable and hang around gemma without being insecure but i can't.

that's okay though, i'm happy with lola and you but now i don't know if i even have you anymore.

the way you talk to me now entails the smallest quirks it never used to, id that makes sense. you won't notice it yourself, but, there's certain things you do that you never did pre-lyla.

the way you speak and the words you use aren't you rebecca. but really, who am i to say who you are and who you aren't.

i respect that people change, i have too.

but it's like the you before wanting to be friends with lyla and gemma and the you now is so drastically different i don't know how to feel.

it's like you don't have time for me anymore. it's okay, it's okay.

i swear i'm okay.

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