In His Eyes

An

Scott:
I still don't understand what happened that night with Mr Salone, I don't understand why I let it happen and why he wanted to do it to me. I haven't stoped thinking about it since it happened, I've tried to forget about it but I just can't!

Mitch has been acting off as well  every time I go over to see him, it's like there's something bothering him but even he doesn't know what it is. I know I should ask him about it but I just can't.

Shaking my head  I clear all my thoughts and pull out my phone, I've been charging it every time I visit Mitch just so that I can still contact people in emergencies. I've been sleeping on people's couches as much as they would let me and sometimes I even stay in a cupboard at school sometimes when things are really rough. I'm a tough guy and I won't let anything bring me down or stop me. But nothing could prepare me for this text.

Unknown: Hey Scott, it's your dad, I'm in town and want to see you xxx

I haven't spoken to my father since he walked out on my mother and I when I was eleven. Why the hell would he want to see me now? I can't even bare to look him after what he did to me all those years. But I reply...

To father: listen Paul I don't know what you want or why you're here. I hate you and you know that. I can't ever forgive what you did to me. So fuck off

I hit send and instantly get a message back from him

Father: I know son, I'm so sorry! I've changed I swear! Just give me a chance. Please? Xxxxxxxxx

I roll my eyes and sigh as I slowly type a reply,

Okay.

My dad sends an address and tells me to be there at six for dinner. Last time I saw him was a disaster, he's dangerous to say the least. But I get ready anyway, and I'm scared, and I'm worried, and I don't know what to think, and all my thoughts seem to muddle together. And In no time at all it's almost six o'clock and I'm standing outside his door waiting for him to answer. When he does it's like my heart stops, he hasn't changed at all. He still has a horrible beer belly, still smells of alcohol, his hair is still long blond and greasy, and there's still a cigarette balanced between his chapped lips. I hate him. I could scream at him, I want to hurt him because of all the times he hurt me. But I don't, i smile and say hello before stepping into the dark house. The smell of smoke and vodka fills my nostrils and I almost gag at the scent. Paul slaps my back and greets me like an old friend, has he forgotten what he did to me?

"How have you been Scotty boy?" He asks so cheerfully it makes me feel sick. I shrug and don't answer. "It's been a while kid, you're grown!"

"It's been six years. I'm not a kid anymore Paul, I've never been a kid with you in the house." I tell him, I'm so confused about everything that's happening, I don't know what to say and what not to say.

"Don't you take that time with me Son, I know it's been a while but I'm still your father and I expect to be respected." The way he says it makes me shudder, those words I heard too many times as a child still haunt me.

"I don't care if you're Freddie fucking Mercury I'll never respect you after the way you treated me." I can tell that Paul is getting angry now, his fists are clenched to his sides but I'm ready. I'm bigger than him now and I'm stronger.

"Do you remember what you did Paul? Locked me in the coal shed every time mom went out. You couldn't stand the sight of me." I can see Paul bitting the inside of his cheek as I start  raising my voice. "You locked me in there for twelve hours one day when I was six! It was so dark and cold in there, I had nothing but my clothes that I was wearing."

"Scott I've changed, I'm sorry son" he tries to pat my shoulder but I just slap his hand away

"On my eighth birthday I was in there all day without food, you came in and I thought you would let me out but you just threw a bag in. I thought that maybe there was at least a blanket inside but no. Out came a huge rat, I was screaming for hours as it bit me and tore at my skin. No one came." I'm crying at this point

"It was just a joke Scott." This infuriates me and I start screaming at him.

"It was a joke how I was in hospital for two weeks because of an infection caused by that rat? It was a joke how I now have ptsd from that coal shed? It was a joke how you almost raped me when I was ten because you saw me looking at a photo of a guy? You haven't changed, I can't believe I was so stupid as to believe you did. If you ever contact me again I will call the police and tell them every horrible detail of what you did to me and my mom!" I know I must be red with anger, tears are streaming down my face and I feel like I can't breathe as I turn to walk out the door.

"That's fine by me fag, I wish you would've died in that hospital." He says this just loud enough for me to hear as I'm closing the door, I don't close the door though, instead I storm back into his house and punch him square around the face. Paul stammers backwards in shock before throwing a punch at my throat, I gag and cough hard, holding my throat as I regain breath. Paul punches me again and then kicks me as I lay helpless on the floor struggling to breathe. I focus on breathing and when Paul looks away I struggle up and leave the house.
I shouldn't have trusted him.
I should've gone with my gut and not even answered that first text. I'm an idiot for wanting my dad back.