WILLIAM (bxb)

8

               William comes out of the bathroom smelling like soap and toothpaste. His hair is smoothed back into a ponytail, and there are little wisps that aren't quite long enough that stick out at the sides of his face. He's only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, and Jamie is captivated by how beautiful he looks, how incredible it is to see him like this, when he's not trying to be anything but himself.

"Hey," William says, and a blush creeps onto his cheeks. This is the first time they've stayed together over night, and the air is tense with what they're about to do. What they might be about to do – they haven't discussed anything yet.

Jamie smiles. "Hey," he replies, his hands fists at his side.

William sits beside him on the bed and takes a deep breath. "Would you think any less of me if I told you I'm not ready to have sex with you?" he asks quietly, keeping his gaze straight ahead, at the midnight blue shutters over his window.

Jamie blinks and looks over at him sharply, and then William does the same, biting his bottom lip. Jamie's eyebrows furrow and he lifts a hand slowly so that he can untuck it from between the other boy's teeth. "Of course not," he says, softly, confusedly. "Why would I?" This close to William, he can feel the tension threading William's muscles, he can taste the embarrassment.

"Some guys would," he breathes, and Jamie feels his words on his fingertips. "I've had boyfriends that got offended when I said not right away. I mean, I know I'm kind of a tease and stuff – but I just – I want to be close to someone first. If you don't want that, it's okay, I mean, I get it but – "

"Stop," Jamie cuts him off, offering another smile. He cups both of William's cheeks in the palms of his hands. "Thank you for telling me," he says, and for once, in William's room, both of them only wearing their sleep outfits, Jamie feels like he's secure in his own skin. Here he isn't awkward. Here he isn't socially inept. Here he is just Jamie and William is just William and they're both vulnerable and open and it's okay. It's okay that William doesn't want sex. It's okay if he's a tease. Jamie's just happy to be here, he's just happy that William doesn't feel pressured.

William reaches up and wraps his fingers around Jamie's wrists. "Thank you for understanding," he says, and his eyes are so blue that Jamie is drowning in them.

The smaller boy tugs Jamie's hands down into his lap and intertwines their fingers, squeezing tight before sighing.

"I suppose I owe you some answers," he says, breaking eye contact.

"About what?" Jamie leans forward, curious.

"The coffee date."

"Oh." Jamie has nearly forgotten. "Right."

Everything seems to be on a precipice, and when William looks back up his eyes are watery, but he doesn't seem sad as much as he does frustrated. "My brother was one of the boys outside."

"I know," Jamie says, because he knows he has to. "I – um, saw the resemblance."

"Oh," William's mouth stays open for a moment too long. "Um, why didn't you say anything, then?"

"I knew you'd tell me at some point."

"Didn't you want to know why, though?"

Jamie shrugs, and moves his thumbs over William's. "It didn't seem important at the time."

A startled laugh bubbles out of the other boy's throat and a tear spills over his cheek. "Of course not. Jesus. How did I get so lucky, Jamie? How did I end up with you in my life?"

Jamie grins and leans in to press a soft kiss to William's nose. "I think the question is how did I end up with you?" and William lets go of his hands so that he can make a cage around the back of Jamie's neck, and keep him close. He puts their lips together in a chaste kiss.

"I guess we're just lucky, aren't we?" and Jamie nods.

There's nothing more that he wants – he has William and William is warm and he makes the entire world fall away. He makes Jamie feel valid, he makes Jamie feel like he's filled with cotton candy. He has his problems, obviously, and maybe Jamie doesn't know all of them yet but that's okay. That's to come; and they'll face them head on together when they need to.

Jamie reaches out and puts his hands on either side of William's ribcage, feeling the breaths the other boy is taking and they stay like that for a long time, foreheads pressed together, not saying a thing. It doesn't matter that they're not having sex. It doesn't matter that they're not kissing.

This is infinitely better.

This is just them. It's just them and it's everything they need.

"I don't ever want to let you go," Jamie says, finally, when he thinks it's time, and William says,

"Then don't, dumbass," and they fall asleep tangled together, only breaking apart for the moment it took to get the blankets peeled back from the bed. Jamie can't stop thinking about how well William fits against him, how he loves the tickle of his hair against his nose, or how the shirt that William is wearing is so soft it feels like velvet. He doesn't know what will happen if he loses this, and it's only the first night they've slept in the same bed.

"Goodnight," William mumbles, and Jamie kisses his shoulder.

"Goodnight," he replies, "babe."