WILLIAM (bxb)

7

               Jamie spoons rice onto his plate, his hand shaking. He's trying to keep up a good conversation with Carson and William, but he can't. He's so awkward; all he can do is nod along to what they're saying and eat his food.

He forgot how much he hates eating in front of people he's not familiar with. He forgot how hard it is to force the words to come out of his throat. He forgot what a burden small talk is. He's not good at the whole getting to know someone, not in the same way others seem to be.

William was easy. William is patient and doesn't mind when Jamie stops and starts in his speech, or when he has to look away to let his thoughts form. Carson isn't like this. Carson leans forward in anticipation when Jamie doesn't answer right off the bat, and he huffs as if he's being majorly inconvenienced when Jamie has to think for more than a couple of seconds.

They've went over the basics – what degree is Jamie working towards? What's he going to do with it? Siblings? Accepting family? Pets? – and now Carson has wiped his face and put his eating utensils down. The air seems to get tighter, and William looks at his roommate and then at Jamie.

"What are your plans with William?" Carson asks sharply and William gives out a noise of disgust.

Jamie's heart beats a hundred times faster. "I – " he starts, but William puts a hand on his thigh under the table and squeezes, making him stop. Making his blood rush to his cheeks.

"I can make my own decisions, Carson," William snaps, his mouth twisted into a sneer. "You're not my father."

Carson raises both his hands, palms facing the couple. "I know that," he says, "but I don't want you to – "

"I don't need you to baby me."

"I'm just worried – "

"Jamie's a good guy, you don't have to make this an interrogation!"

"What if he's – "

"No!"

Jamie feels William's hand tighten around his leg, and his shifts uncomfortably, clearing his throat to get their attention. He doesn't want to be caught in between what seems to be an ongoing fight, and he certainly doesn't want Carson to have to worry about him hurting William. If anything, it would be the other way around.

Carson turns his eyes onto Jamie first, and it takes a moment for him to work up his courage but then he says,

"I don't plan on hurting William," he says, his voice steady for the first time that night. "I really like him, I don't think that I could hurt him. Not on purpose, anyway." William's thigh presses tight against Jamie's and Jamie presses back, taking his courage from the contact.

Carson watches him for a moment, daring him to drop eye contact, daring him to do anything that would negate what he's just said, but Jamie keeps himself composed. He needs Carson to like him, he needs everyone in William's life to like him. "Fine," he says, and then he leans forward, "but if you ever do anything – "

"- Carson – "

"- and I mean anything to him, I will – "

"Carson, stop – "

" – I will fucking hurt you, alright?"

"You don't have to say anything, Jamie."

But Jamie nods. He understands. He can imagine himself saying something of the same idea to one of Leeroy's boyfriends if Leeroy ever got one other than Finnigan. He understands the need to protect the people you love. "Alright," he says, and William lets out an exasperated sigh.

"I don't understand you people," he says, and Carson reaches across the table to give Jamie a fistbump.

"You don't have to," he says.