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William is sitting on one of the bar stools at the island in the kitchen, clutching a mug of hot chocolate to his chest like his life depends on it. Jamie doesn't think he's ever seen anyone so nervous, and it's making him nervous. He should have taken William somewhere else, where it would be neutral ground. Where they'd both be more comfortable.

Jamie's phone buzzes on the counter, and he glances at it briefly as he pours milk into his own hot drink. i'm @ finnigan's, his brother has replied, why? you 2 gonna fuck? He flips it onto its face and turns to pass the bag of marshmallows to William, hoping his blush isn't too evident.

"Do you want a cinnamon bun, too?" he asks, and William grins.

"Sure," he says, and Jamie bustles to the fridge, ignoring the note his brother left him in magnets: suck sum dick. He pushes them out of alignment before he makes his way back to William, hoping the other boy didn't have the chance to notice.

"Here, my brother's friend bakes us stuff sometimes. They're heavenly."

William takes a sticky bun and a napkin. "You have a brother?" he asks, and Jamie nods.

"Yeah, he's only fifteen. He's a little shit, but I love him, I guess."

William purses his lips together and tears off a piece of cinnamon bun. He doesn't seem like he wants Jamie to go on, so Jamie pulls up the seat next to him, trying not to stare. Trying not to make this more uncomfortable than it is.

He can't help but think of Nicky, of how he filled the entire room with noise because he knew how quiet Jamie was. He can't help but enjoy the silence as they drink their hot chocolate and eat their cinnamon buns, and William taps his heel against the stool.

Finally William says, "Thank you for earlier." He's looking at Jamie and Jamie has to force himself not to look away. "It meant a lot. Most guys would have just left, I think. Or they would have been annoyed, I guess. I just – thank you," and Jamie can see how sincere he is. He wants answers, but he doesn't want to ask. He won't ask.

He clears his throat, and William leans forward just the slightest, his knee touching Jamie's. "You're welcome," Jamie chokes out, surprised by the sudden contact. His heart is beating a million miles in his chest, and he can't fathom the amount of fondness in his chest. He's drowning in it. You're so brave, and I'm so sorry about your brother, are right on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn't say them.

"I really like you, I think," William mutters, tipping his face up towards Jamie's and they're so close that Jamie can see the freckles on his nose, the imperfections, the spots, the smudged edge of his eyeliner. He likes that William isn't perfect. He likes that William isn't afraid to seem vulnerable.

"I like you too," he whispers, and William's lips curve up into a crooked smile, one that Jamie can't help but adore. For an instant, he's sure that he's going to lean in the extra couple of millimeters to kiss the other boy, but William sits up straight and sighs, breaking their moment.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"What for?"

"I always go too fast, I think. I just – no kissing yet, alright? One more date?" William's knee moves from Jamie's, and the electric current that was in his bones is abruptly cut off.

Jamie nods, solemnly, wanting to reach out and touch the boy again just for the sake of touching him. He never felt this way with Nicky, even after a year and yet here he is on a first date that he hadn't even known was going to be a date. "That's alright," he hears himself say.

"I mean, we've only been talking for a couple of weeks and you're probably wondering about earlier. What kind of asshole move was that, right? To ask you to leave like I did?" William's looking down into his half-empty mug, and there's so much emotion in his eyes Jamie doesn't know what to do.

He finally settles for putting a hand on William's shoulder. "You know," he says, quietly, slowly so that he doesn't have a heart attack, "I really don't mind. I get it, I really do. You have demons. You have a past, and so do I, and sometimes it comes up in negative ways. I'm not going to be mad at you for that, and if people have in the past, then that's on them not on you. Okay?" He doesn't think he's ever said so much at one time. It's exhausting. He's exhausted, he wants to carry William to the couch and nap with him and wake up to him still being there because he knows that William will be. He doesn't seem the type to leave without saying goodbye. Not like Nicky. Not like anybody Jamie's ever known.

For a moment, William just breathes, and he's looking at Jamie and Jamie's looking at him and neither of them knows what to do. It could be awkward, but it's not, and for the first time in a very long time Jamie feels like he's valid. He's not just a waste of space like Nicky made him feel, he's not just a void of a person.

"Thank you," William finally says, and puts his hand over Jamie's, squeezing tight.

"You're welcome." You're so welcome. You're so so so welcome. Fuck. Jesus. Can I kiss you?

They don't kiss. They sit in the kitchen and talk, about stupid things like their classes and their homework and how annoying it is to sit beside someone who always forgets their fucking pen. They head into the living room and they sit on the couch and they get so close Jamie forgets who he is, he forgets the hurt of loving Nicky, he forgets a lot of things.

They don't even notice when Leeroy walks by with a rather large hickey on his neck and a smile on his face. 

WILLIAM (bxb)Where stories live. Discover now