WILLIAM (bxb)

10

               It's been a week and neither Jamie nor William has brought up the breakdown in the kitchen. Jamie thinks that William's just trying to pretend that it never happened and he's trying to respect that. Of course, he wants to know the cause, but he doesn't want to push.

Yesterday they'd had dinner with Leeroy and Jamie's mother, and it had gone better than Jamie could have ever expected. The two of them loved William. They adored him, really and of course Jamie can't blame them for that. It's hard not to.

"What are you thinking about?" Leeroy asks him, folding his hands over the pillow he's been holding to his chest.

Jamie frowns at him. "William," he says.

"Everything good?"

The thing is he doesn't know. William's been so distant – taking forever to text back, only ever kissing him on the cheek, breaking away from hugs so quickly Jamie doubts they've even happened. "I think that someone took advantage of him at some point," he tells Leeroy quietly.

Leeroy's nose scrunches for a moment, and he looks away. "You mean like rape?" He pauses the movie they're watching and turns his attention back onto his brother, concern etching his expression.

Jamie shrugs. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe he's reading too far into this. Maybe he should ask William.

"What happened?"

"He said that he's not comfortable having sex, which is fine. I respect that. It's alright, but then he just – he got carried away when we were making out and I stopped him – "

"You stopped him?" Leeroy's eyes are wide. "Then what's his problem?"

"I don't know. He just kind of broke." Jamie can hear it in his mind, the tears. He can still feel the wobble of William's ribs like a ghost against his skin. He's never felt so hopeless. He wants to know what this was, why this was. He wants William to cuddle him again.

Leeroy sighs, and stretches his legs out so they rest on the coffee table. He stays silent for a few moments, poking his toe through the hole at the seam of his sock. Jamie watches with a sort of disgusted fascination, only half wanting his brother to say anything. He's not even quite sure why he's come to his fifteen year old sibling with this, but he knows that Leeroy's not one to judge. Maybe he's read some fucked up fanfiction with the same plotline.

"I think you need to ask him about it, man," he says, finally.

"But how?" That's the real question. How can he sensitively bring something like that up in day to day conversation? How can he ask that without sounding like he's a complete moron? Would he even be able to get the words out of his mouth? It's been a long time since he's had trouble saying anything to William but this is much farther out of his comfort zone than he's ever been.

Leeroy shrugs and presses play on the movie. "I've got nothing for you," he says, avoiding Jamie's gaze. "But I know you'll figure it out."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Jamie mutters, annoyed that he even bothered. He starts to get up, but Leeroy grabs his wrist.

"Don't give up on him, okay?" he says quietly, his brown eyes digging deep into Jamie's. "He's a good guy, I can tell. Don't let him get away."

Something inside of Jamie sinks. He doesn't want to lose William; he hadn't even thought of it as an option. He couldn't imagine not having this electric boy in his life anymore. "I don't plan on it," he promises his brother, and his brother nods in approval and lets him go.

"Good," he says.

Jamie leaves the living room with his head spinning. Leeroy's right, of course. He has to say something before it's too late, before William's buried what happened between them too deeply. Halfway up the stairs he digs his phone out of his pocket and dials William's number without allowing him to second guess himself.

"Hey," William's tired voice answers on the other side of the line.

"We have to talk," Jamie replies, hoping his voice is urgent enough. Hoping that William takes him seriously. He wants to know what this is that's going on. He wants to be able to kiss William without worrying about the repercussions.

"I know."

"Can you come over tonight?"

"Will you make me real food?"

Despite his worry, Jamie laughs. He's starting to think that maybe he loves the other boy. "Of course I will," he promises.

"I'll be there, then," William returns, and Jamie almost says it. But he doesn't.

"Can't wait," he says instead, even though he can. He doesn't want to have this conversation.

William hums in response and hangs up, and Jamie falls back first onto his bed. He closes his eyes and pictures everything that could go wrong.