Know Child of Mind (Completed)

It's Time

We built a snowman
Sticks, rocks, a scarf and it honestly wasn't half bad
She named him Silver which happens to be my favorite color
Afterwards we made snow angels and laughed about the silliest things

When I got to the bench she suddenly looked very sad as if everything good had been sucked out of her

What's wrong my child?

The floodgates opened and she hugged me whispering

Today is my last day. I wish I had more time but (sniff) there are rules.

Don't worry. We'll see each other again. Your my future daughter. I promise that every second of your life you will know how much I appreciate you.

We were hugging in silence
My tears were on the inside
So easy to get attached to
I understand fatherhood on some basic level
Maybe she's just going to college a little sooner
Maybe she got married to the love of her life and they live far away but will visit later
Maybe she's a traveling volunteer

But I know she's just a child
Maybe this is how loving father's see  their kids
Little lights that get dimmer the farther they are away
Little lights that have a special place in their hearts

She let go and wiped her tears away

I can tell you what my name means now but you're not going to like it.

Whatever it is, I can handle it.

Ok (deep breath) PDRFME means please don't reach for me. There will come a time when that makes sense and I need you to know that you have to be strong and that my coming here wasn't easy but it's necessary. I have to go now. Goodbye Dad.

She didn't look back as she disappeared into the tree
I stared at the snowman we made
Let the cold numb me
I felt empty but at least I knew I had some sort of future
It's funny really
Ask me a few days ago what I felt about having kids and I would frown

Now I can sort of smile in longing
Speed up life
Speed up