Forest

Chapter 7- Guns For Hands (pt. 2)

I sat on the edge of my bed with the open note, but I couldn't look at it. It just stayed face down in my lap. After what had felt like centuries, I flipped the note over and gasped, already feeling the tears coming to my eyes from just seeing Chris' handwriting.

Dear Ruby, I love you. You were the first person in my life I had a connection with, the first one to stick around through my ups and downs; you were my person and you always will be. You showed me love, kindness, care. You showed me who I could be and helped me grow into the person I wanted to be, and I'll forever be in your debt for that. I know that what I'm going to do is selfish, I know you'll hate me forever because of it, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry... for all of this, I never meant for you to get dragged into it, yet here we are. I understand if you never forgive me; hell, I don't even have a full explanation, but I just can't take it anymore. My dad's being released soon, Summer and I have been at each other's throats, Tyler is no help and helps Summer pick at me, my mom is never home anymore and when she is, all we do is bicker, school and work are piling up, I can't see a therapist or get meds because it's too expensive. I just find no enjoyment in life anymore...except for when I'm with you. Don't get me wrong you make everything 100x better and I do have true happiness and fun when I'm with you, but there are days where it's not enough, and I know you understand that.

The day we met is one I'll never forget, you told me you were going to be my best friend and that's exactly what you did. I'm sorry that it came to this, but I want you to know it wasn't your fault. It never will be your fault and although you may blame yourself, I'm stating it now that you shouldn't. Ru you're an angel and deserve the absolute best in life, I just wish I could be there to give it to you. You're one-of-a-kind and I hope you stay you. I'll always love you with all my heart, and I'm sorry; I'll miss you.

Sincerely and apologetically,

-Chips

I struggled containing my sobs from turning into screams. I dropped the note and clutched my chest, feeling like it was crushed and collapsing in on itself. Everything had hit me at once; not only was he gone, but he had also signed it with the nickname I had given him when we had first met, one I had forgotten about. I had slipped off my bed at this point and was sitting on the ground, clawing and hitting my floor, not caring if I screamed anymore. I jumped up, suddenly filled with anger along with the hurt, and grabbed the closest thing to me and threw it. Not long after my room was a mess; books, glass, photos, clothes, and tears littered my room. I had sunken back to the floor with my back against my door, knees against my chest, and head in my hands.

I was quiet.

I stayed like this until I heard my alarm to get up for school go off, which made me pick up my head and look around the room. My eyes burned from crying and lack of sleep, my throat felt like I had swallowed barbed wire, my body didn't feel like my own. After just sitting and looking around for 10 minutes I got up and left to get a broom and vacuum from the hall closet. I swept as much as I could into piles, the carpet making it considerably more difficult, and dumped them into the trash leaving me to vacuum. After an hour of vacuuming and straightening up my room a bit, I looked at my now bare walls, the piles of books and papers on my floor, and took in how foreign everything felt. I couldn't dwell on it too long because I still had to get ready for school, so I dragged myself towards my dresser and just grabbed sweats before heading to the bathroom to change and get ready.

After what had felt like hours of just staring at myself in the mirror and not recognizing who was staring back, I threw my hair up into a ponytail, brushed my teeth, and headed down stairs. Once reaching the bottom I didn't bother heading to the kitchen; I just went straight for the door, grabbing my backpack that was next to it before leaving. Everything after I had closed the front door was just a blur; I didn't remember anything but pulling into the school parking lot into my usual spot. I didn't remember getting out and going to my locker until I was right in front of it. I took a look around, the hallways were loud as if nothing had happened almost a week before; people giving me strange looks, but also looks of concern. I turned around and opened my locker, grabbing what I needed then left to find Tyler and Summer to give them the notes.