Forest

Chapter 8- Car Radio

Everything was silent.

As I drove back home, I was alone with my thoughts. The radio and the roads were quiet; not even the breeze outside made a sound. The silence and my thoughts created a buzzing in my ears, a kind of buzzing that once I got home, I ran to my room to try to get rid of; not painful but definitely not pleasant. Once inside I slammed my door, suddenly overcome with all the emotions I had put aside throughout the day. After what felt like hours of just standing against the door, staring off into space with tears streaming down my face, I walked over to my bed, climbed in, and fell asleep.

I woke up to my mom running into my room asking me if I was okay before embracing me in a huge hug, rocking back and forth. I had no energy to push her off, or stop myself from crying, so I just sat there hugging her back, sobbing. Finally I was able to calm down and tell her everything, to which we both ended up crying more and falling asleep in my bed.

I woke up with a jump in my dark room alone, and looked around trying to gain my composure from the nightmare I just had. After what felt like hours of just laying in silence, I was able to compose myself and fall back asleep which, in retrospect, I wish I hadn't.

I was running, where to? I didn't know; I just knew I had to get out. I took a hard left, feeling my lungs burning in the crisp winter air, the strain on my legs as I pushed myself faster and faster. I needed to go farther, harder, faster, I couldn't stop.

Eventually I came to a ridge, so far from the earth that I was almost head level with the clouds. I stopped running and looked over the millions of trees, spotting a waterfall in the distance. It was beautiful.

"Ru? Is that you?" A familiar voice called out.

I froze. It couldn't be. I felt tears welling in my eyes as I built the courage to turn around and face the voice.

"Ruby what are you doing here, you can't be here."

I heard the voice coming closer, but before I could turn around I felt a rush of cold throughout my body.

I jumped to the sound of my alarm, shivering as I reached to turn it off. I sat up and looked around, still no mom. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and went to my closet to grab a new hoodie, then the dresser to get the rest of my bum outfit before heading to the bathroom to shower and get ready.

As I stepped out of the shower, there was a knock on my bedroom door, so I wrapped a towel around myself and told whoever it was to come in. When I turned around, I wasn't expecting to see Tyler standing in my doorway, the surprise causing me to jump and nearly drop my towel.

"Tyler what the fuck?" I yelled, angry but also slightly embarrassed that I almost flashed him.

"Ruby I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, I just needed to talk to you and I didn't know how to cause I know you don't want to see me and-" He sounded flustered but I cut him off, I couldn't believe this.

"You know I don't want to see you for a reason, so you decide to corner me? And when I'm naked nonetheless?" I was upset, almost as flustered as Tyler looked, but I knew I was better than this.

"Ruby I-" He tried talking again but I couldn't back down, not now.

"Listen Tyler, I'll hear you out but I need to get dressed first, wait in the hallway and I'll get you when I'm done." I told him, irritation yet sympathy in my voice as I pointed to the door.

Tyler gave me a sad look before walking out, closing the door behind him. I walked back into the bathroom and leaned against the counter, taking in everything that just happened. I felt hurt, stupid, betrayed, but I knew myself deep down and I was going to hear Tyler out eventually, so might as well now. Before getting dressed I looked at myself in the mirror and took in my appearance. I was thinner, not much, but I could tell, and the circles under my eyes were dark like bruises. My eyes were red and slightly burned, their usual green dimmed to a dirty light brown.

I finished getting ready, threw my dirty clothes in the hamper, then went to get Tyler. As I opened the door, I saw Ty get up from sitting against the wall and look at me apologetically. I kept a straight face and headed back into my room towards my bed, leaving the door open so he could follow me. As I sat down on my bed, he came in and looked at me as if he was questioning what to do with the door.

"Close the door, and hurry up cause we have school, now you said you wanted to talk, so talk. And before you ask, yes, you can sit on the bed." I told him, seemingly irritated but not making eye contact. Tyler closed the door and hurried to the bed, never looking at me, only at his lap or hands.

"Tyler, talk to me." My anger, resentment, and impatience now gone, I reached for his hand but stopped. I couldn't bring myself to touch him.

He looked up with tears in his eyes, "Ruby I'm so sorry, I thought I could explain myself but I can't, I realized they're just excuses to help me sleep at night but I haven't been able to. I would take everything back if I knew it would lead to this, I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

I sat there looking at my hands in my lap, tears forming in my eyes. "Just tell me why. Why did this happen? Why did you date Summer? Why didn't you stop her?" I was crying now but I wouldn't let my emotions stop me from getting answers.

"I don't know Ruby I- I didn't think Summer was being serious when she would pick on Chris so I joined in sometimes. I never meant for any of this to happen, you have to believe me." He looked up at me with tears streaming down his face, reaching out to grab my hand, and I let him.

My breath caught at the mention of Chris' name and Tyler's cold hand grabbing mine. It was all too much so I stood up and started pacing, dropping Tyler's hand.

"I need you to leave. I need to think and process and just grieve. I still haven't accepted that he's dead. We can talk more about this when we're both more emotionally stable, but right now I just need you to go. Please." I told Tyler, the hurt evident in my voice as tears fell down my face. I was trying to catch my breath to sound normal, but no avail. I looked at Tyler with all my emotions showing from sympathy, anger, hurt.

He got up to leave, wiping his face of his tears, but as he was about to close the door that would separate us, I called out.

"Tyler."

He turned back looking slightly puzzled, but before he could speak, I finished.

"I just want to let you know that I don't blame you, hell I don't even blame Summer, but I just need time and space right now, okay?" I said, trying to provide relief for him and myself as I wiped tears from my eyes.

Tyler gave me a sad half smile with a nod, then left closing the door behind him. I stood there facing the door thinking about everything I just said and if I truly meant it or not. I knew I didn't blame Tyler, it was not blaming Summer I wasn't so sure about. No matter the case I was going to keep my distance and give myself time and space to think everything over. I already lost my best friends, I didn't want to lose a good friend too; or myself.