Billie Shelby

Part 4

He stopped on his way into the house; placing his hand to my shoulder ,as a sign of recognition to my earlier out burst on his shoulder. A rare sign of affection from Tommy Shelby.
However,he noticed that i did not look to him,keeping my gaze to the floor to avoid him noticing my eyes for the second time today. "Bill,shut that bloody door,it's freezing!" Ada calls from the kitchen.
I had not realised that we were both still stood in the door way.
I shut the door as Tommy stood his ground next to me and watched me follow Adas orders. He continued to stare at me but I just stood staring at the door refusing to face him.

"billie." Tom said in attempt to make me look at him-he knew something was going on.

"Oh, hello Tom! Sorry I thought you were Freddie- we were just talking about you"Ada said as she walked back into the room her heels clicking along the floor as she set down a tray,holding the tea I had asked for ,onto the table.
She noticed the tension between me and Tom. -" is everything okay?"
Tommy turned to Ada and then back to me as he cleared his throat.
" you were talking about me ay?" He said trying to sound cheerful but failing.
I finally turned around to look at him,but found that I couldn't look him in the eye.

I went to walk away towards Ada who was looking extremely confused ,but Tommy grabbed my arm,gently not harshly like before,and I froze still.
He reached into my coat pocket and pulled out two small blue bottles.
I slowly turned my head to face him as he released my arm. His eyes scanned mine and he definitely knew what I had done after leaving him on the bench.
"Billie?" Ada said noticing what Tommy had gotten from my pockets.I looked to her,with my eyes glossy ,and shook my head in shame.

*SMASH* me and Ada both jumped and looked over to Tommy,he had dropped the two bottles to the floor and the white powder was now covering Ada's rug.
"For fuck sake Tommy,Carl plays in here!" Ada shouted to her brother as she picked up Carl from the floor before he could go over to investigate- and she left the room. Presumably to get a brush to sweep the mess.

This left me and Tommy alone.

I backed away from him and placed my hands on the back of a chair that sat in front of Ada's window and bowed my head between my hands.Waiting for Tommy to finally say his peace.
Today really had been long,considering i hadn't yet gone to bed since yesterday and it is now 12pm.

But instead I watched him walk over to the sofa and sat down exhaling as he did. Placing his hand to his forehead before leaning forward resting his arms onto his legs,looking at his watch and then staring at the open fire.
I watched him ,scared to talk.An emotion I had felt all day long.
"Billie,why are you doing this?" He asked calmer than I expected.
I thought for a moment -
"I don't know"
"Billie I-"
"Tom I'm being serious" I interrupted him.
"Don't fucking interrupt me"he said finally showing his ever growing anger,glaring at me. He soon realised his sudden out burst and leant back on the sofa ,resting his head back-calming himself.
I walked over and sat myself down next to him.
I saw how much I was stressing him out and decided to quit being a sulky teenager for one second and have an actual adult conversation.
"I guess I haven't been good at handling stuff"I admitted.
-"Loosing mum,and not having you John or Arthur around, I guess I thought I had to grow up fast- I know I had Finn to lean on and Polly but they were dealing with their own grief and didn't want to add to their stress" I admitted.
"So cocaine was the viable option for you?"anger got the better of Tommy,but I tried to remain calm.
I took a deep breath in " no Tommy ,when I was sad and didn't want to show Polly and Finn, I would take a horse from charlie's yard and just ride out to nowhere to let it all out. And by the time I came home,I was alright-no one had seen."

By this point Ada had returned and was sweeping up Tommy's mess. I carried on.
" I only started doing this ,just over a year ago I couldn't handle faking a smile anymore so when I saw Arthur with the sn-" I stopped.shit.
"ARTHUR?" Tommy suddenly said.
"No Tommy ,hang on-" I said trying to calm him down.
"So it was Arthur that gave it to you?" - "He's your fucking brother,giving cocaine to a fucking 14 year old"
"Tommy listen -" he wouldn't.
At this point Tommy was stood up and had his hands on the mantle over the fire place with his head bowing between them muttering to himself.
"So this is why you're acting like this,because he gave it to you?"he turned to me and pointed.
"Tommy calm down!" Ada said -" you're scaring Carl"
At this point I had had enough.I walked at the door opened it and left ,slamming it behind me.
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Ada's P.O.V

i watched Billie leave. The poor girl didn't stand a chance against tommy's rage.

"now wheres she going-thats the third fucking time she has walked out on me today!"he said as he sat himself back down and washed his hands over his face.

I passed him a cup of tea,in attempt to calm him.
he exhaled loudly "thank you"

"Tommy,you didn't let her finish"i said.
No reply.
He just placed his cup down to the table.
"Tom,you need to speak to her calmly,so neither of you get riled up- you're too similar."I continued.

"Did you know about this?"he asked me,completely ignoring my last two statements.
"No i didn't.Now fucking listen to me tom."My anger overtook me.

"Looks like we're similar too eh,ada?"tommy replied ,obviously thinking he's funny.

"tom.."

"Alright. Yes.. Ada i will speak to her-i'm just.." He paused.
-"I'm just so fucking tired ada."
"She's been like this for months,i stayed up all last night waiting for her to come home-and she got home this morning at 10:30 am,on fucking snow"

"Okay tom" I said thinking
-"she's a teenager remember ,she's doing this to get your attention.-
Remember you aren't home much,none of you are.she probably feels a bit forgotten,so she's turning to other things to occupy her time"

"mhmm" he agreed with me? i couldn't tell.

"right,well anyway ada. thanks for the tea" He said abruptly. And he stood up from the sofa and went over to carl-"see you buddy".

"yeah alright tom" I said as he made his way to the door.
-"oh and tom?"
"mhmm?"
"make sure you speak to billie first,before arthur."

And with that tommy opened the door,but came face to face with Freddie.
- "you alright tom?" Freddie said,more politely than i thought he would.
But tommy just stopped and stared at him before moving on out the door.
Freddie looked at me with a questioning look.

"you don't want to know" I said to him,before picking up Carl.