Becoming Determinant - Tobias' Story

Original Chapter - Uriah

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Thank you also to my fantastic beta reader, Rosalie!

Between "Divergent" Chapters 18 and 19 – Uriah

If I had any doubt that Drew was involved in attacking Edward, his simulation would have removed it. He sits there, sweating and thrashing as Edward exacts revenge through one torture after another. By the time he reaches the fifth one, I find myself wondering just how messed up Peter is that he was afraid of cigarettes instead of something like this; obviously, he has no conscience to feel guilty.

But as the scenarios continue, it becomes harder and harder to pay attention. When Edward begins removing Drew's eyebrow hairs one at a time, I don't even fight anymore, letting my thoughts drift where they want – to my conversation with Tris.

For the first time since I threw those knives, I feel hope that maybe we can be together someday. If she returns my interest, and if Uriah doesn't get to her first, or Al, or even Will…. I rub the back of my neck in frustration. Why do so many people have to like the only girl I care about that way?

I suppose that's the problem. They can all show their interest, while I can't, and that seems fundamentally unfair.

But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I truly can't. Peter and Drew got away with breaking the rules, after all. And Eric certainly does whatever the hell he wants. And what I want to do is nowhere near as bad as taking out an eye or dangling someone over the chasm.

What would happen if I just told Tris how I feel?

Drew thrashes a little in the chair, trying to avoid the bamboo that is now growing through his stomach as Edward laughs.

The worst that could happen would be that she doesn't feel the same way. I don't want her to feel pressured into saying yes if that's not what she truly wants…. But what if she does return my interest? How can she decide how to react to the others if she doesn't know that I care? And doesn't she deserve to make her decisions with all the facts in hand?

Or am I just rationalizing something I know I shouldn't do?

I shift around in my seat, trying to get more comfortable, but that doesn't make me feel any more at ease with my thoughts. No matter how much I don't like it, the Abnegation in me knows what the right thing to do is. And more often than not, I still follow those instincts, so for now at least, I'll continue to wait.

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Uriah is the most nervous I've ever seen him. He hides it fairly well, but I can see the sweat beading on his forehead and the way the corners of his mouth shake as he tries to smile at me. Unfortunately, I can't help him relax, not when he needs to understand how important it is to hide his Divergence during this stage.

"This will be similar to the aptitude test," I tell him solidly. "You'll be in a simulation, but you won't be aware that it's fake." His eyes widen a little, and I'm sure he was aware in that test the same way I was. I ignore that as I continue. "That means it's not like a dream, where you can sometimes manipulate it. Instead, it will feel just like reality, even when it doesn't quite make sense."

I look at him, trying to make sure he understands my real meaning. He needs to be careful not to manipulate this simulation, even if he can. After a moment, he nods shakily, and I continue. "What's different is that here you won't go into a pre-set simulation, but into one that your mind creates from one of your fears. You'll stay in it until you face your fear enough to slow your heart rate and breathing."