Becoming Determinant - Tobias' Story

Divergent Chapter 27 - Lauren's Fear Landscape

A/N: Wow - thank you all so much for the outpouring of support from the last chapter! You really helped me feel better despite being miserably sick. Thank you also to my wonderful beta reader, Rosalie!

And to the guest who posted under the name Alex, Veronica Roth wrote the "Four" stories that I mentioned in my Author's Note. They're available as e-books and also now in printed form.

"Divergent" Chapter 27 - Lauren's Fear Landscape

My dreams are fantastic that night, among the best of my life. When I wake up, it's difficult to focus on the day ahead. All I want to do is find Tris and steal her away to somewhere private.

I take a much longer shower than normal, letting my mind gradually clear, until the water drilling into my skin finally reminds me how dangerous today is. We can't let anyone suspect that we're together. Peter already tried to kill her for less, and even if that weren't an issue, any rumors would certainly get back to Eric, and that would be it. I can't let that happen.

It's still early, so I take the time to cut my hair, buzzing it short while I continue collecting my thoughts. When I'm done, I realize I've cut it Abnegation short. I didn't mean to do that, since this isn't the best time to remind Eric where I came from, but my old habits still emerge when I don't remember to stop them.

By the time I head to breakfast, my mind is fully around how I need to behave – cold and aloof, as if she's just another initiate. I can only hope that Tris does the same. If she calls me Tobias, or touches me, or even greets me in too friendly a way, we're in trouble.

As I walk into the dining hall, I keep my body language surly and my expression like I woke up in a bad mood. My eyes skim the room just enough to find Zeke, and I head to his table without looking at anyone else. It's better if I don't see Tris; I stare at her too much on a normal day, let alone now.

Zeke takes one look at my expression and pushes a cup of coffee my way. Good, my face is apparently convincing. I take a swig and then grab some toast, eating plain food by instinct. Abnegation is deep inside me.

"Rough night?" Zeke asks, and I grunt a non-committal reply. He chuckles. This has been a hard week for him, but he's slowly returning to his normal self.

"You've got to stop working two jobs," he tells me. "It's affecting your sunny disposition."

A smile twitches at the corner of my mouth, and I say, "Yeah, it's all your brother's fault."

"That's what I've been saying," Zeke exclaims with a grin that's almost as wide as usual, and I try to smile back. But there's still too much strain on both of us. And it's not just because of Al or Peter or even Tris. He's still worried about Uriah – that he'll end up factionless or get a lousy job or maybe worse. I'll probably never find out for certain if Zeke knows about Uriah's Divergence, but I strongly suspect he does. The two are very close, even for brothers.

Not for the first time, I wonder what it would have been like to have a sibling. I wouldn't wish my home life on anyone, but maybe I wouldn't have been so alone, so lonely all the time if there'd been two of us. Or maybe it would have just added complications – someone else to worry about, to try to protect, or to watch turn into my father.

Zeke catches my attention again, pointing at Uriah and launching into a story about dunking muffins into orange juice. My eyes follow his finger automatically, and they catch on Tris for a moment. The sight of her is almost overwhelming, but I push the feelings down and force my expression to be cold and empty. It's not easy.

My gaze passes over Uriah and back to Zeke. In a way, I owe them both a favor. I would have left Dauntless months ago if I hadn't been determined to get my best friend's brother through initiation. If he hadn't happened to be sixteen this year, I wouldn't have been here when Tris arrived, and she'd either be factionless or dead by now – killed after she slipped up and manipulated the simulation. It's a sobering thought.