The Diary Swap | ✓

Chapter 8

Chapter 8: the little butterfly

Today's 7 September 2009, which also was dad's death anniversary and a Saturday. Mom and I were getting ready to go to the cemetery. I wore a dark coloured flannel with a simple band tee shirt, dark wash jeans, along with my black converse. Typical. Mom made an amazing breakfast, but I didn't feel like eating. Normally on this day, I'm not myself. I'm usually more quiet and upset, which is why I was thankful that there was no school today. Can you blame me though? Am I suppose to feel so happy and excited to visit my dad who's six feet under? I don't think so.

We took my Ford, cause mom needed to go to a place after visiting dad near the cemetery. The whole car ride was silent. I didn't turn on my stereo, but instead, I turned the radio on. The volume wasn't high, but it was high enough to hear.

The bouquet of white lilies lay on mom's lap. She fidgeted with the paper that enveloped the flowers.

Soon enough, the cemetery came to view. I parked the car and we got out, mom carrying the delicate lilies.

I stared at the tombstone. In loving memory of Arnold Flizz... I took a deep breath to prevent myself from crying. I realised that these few days, I've cried at least two times. So much for hating to cry. Then when I did cry, I tell myself, I've held on for too long. I need to let go of dad, I need to move on and let go of the fact that he won't return. I have to girl up. But that cycle repeats every time I visit the cemetery or have really deep thoughts and memories of dad. Mom never said a word, both of us just stood there in silence. I felt the tears start to prick my eyes, blurring them in the process. Then, it held on until one tear had to leave the pool in my eyes and trickle down my cheek.

"let's go," mom said softly, after what seemed like seconds, laying the bouquet of lilies on the grass in front f the tombstone.

"I'm gonna stay here for a little, you go ahead," I said, sitting down on the grass, crossing my legs.

"okay, see you later sweetheart," she said, bending out to kiss the top of my head., and left.

I sat there, just staring at the few words on the tombstone. A butterfly landed on the lilies, making me release a small smile. Granny had once toldme sometimes, when a person dies, they get reincarnated into animals or insects.

"hey dad" I said out loud to the little butterfly.

Some might think I was crazy, yet I didn't care. There was a chance tthat dad's soul could be in that little butterfly. Call me crazy, but the butterfly actually did have the three of dad's favourite colours: red, blue, white. It could be an enormous coincedence, but I am still going to communicate with it, whether the butterfly understands me or not. Besides, even if it wasn't, dad, wherever he was, would be able to hear be, whether he was in heaven, a ghost lurking around the cemetery or in the little butterfly, I knew in my heart he would listen. He always listened.

Then, out of the blue, I heard a leave crushing under someone's feet.

I turned around and saw a very familiar back. What was he doing here?

"Ash?" I called.

He turned around to look at me, and it was really Ash. His hair was perfect, as always. He had a plain dark blue shirt on, along with some jeans and red vans. He looked like a deer caught in headlights for a split second, then covered it up with a smile. A smile that could''ve made me helt into a puddle of Cassie. He gave me a slight wave and I smiled at him. He started walking towards me and I turned back to the tombstone, wiping my tears away.

"what are you doing here?" he asked, sitting next to me.

"meet," I said shakily and gestured towards the tombstone, "my dad"

Ash's eyes widened for a minute, then asked in a soft voice, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did it happen?"

I though about the question. I have never opened up to someone before, mostly because I don't have friends or anyone to talk to. It felt hard however, to tell Ash what happened. It was hard to open up to someone for the first time ever. I knew I was going to cry if I tell the story, but somehow, I felt like I was able to trust Ash. A little part of me still felt skeptical about telling him, but what's there to lose? I mean, who's he going to tell? And it's not like it's going to affect my life, not that I actually have a life. Hah.

"okay," I said shakily, "but I must warn you, I will cry"

"I'll be the shoulder you can lean one," he said, making my heart ache and made blood rush to my cheeks, causing me to blush.

"well, it was on September the 7th, 2009. It was raining, and I was on the porch in a little hammock we used to have, drinking hot chocolate and reading in the cool fall weather. I saw my dad's car turning just round the corner, so I stopped reading and watched as he started to drive down the road. It was raining, so obviously I couldn't see clearly, but I knew it was dad's car. It was the Ford I have now. Then suddenly, from the little street from the right, a motorcycle rushed out, causing my dad to jerk towards the left, and it caused the car go skid, then I watched as the accident unfolded in front of me. This time, the motorcycle was gone, y'know, because motorcycles are small and it's easy for them to move around. Or at least that's what I think. I ignored the rain, shouting out loud, "dad!? dad! are you okay?!" then ran towards the overturned car. The rain pelted on all part of my body, but all I could think of, was whether he was alright. I rushed to him and dragged him out, and mom came soon. She must have heard me shout for dad. The car didn't burst into flames, but dad was badly hurt. Really badly. Something told me that dad wouldn't live, he couldn't. But I sat with him, and cried my eyes out," I took a deep breath and continued.

"The rain pelted on the ground, making a really loud ruffling sound, but all I could focus on, was dad. He lifted his hand just a little, and caressed my cheek, then he said breathlessly, "I'm sorry," then his eyes started to close. "honey! no! stay with me alright? stay!" mom said. I couldn't say anything. I knew he was going to leave. I knew he was going to let go off the pain. But I couldn't get over it. "dad... please" I whispered then. But of course, he didn't live. Since I was still young back then, mom never told me who the motorcyclist was, not even a name, but all we knew was that he went to jail for it."

By this point, I knew I was crying. Sobbing. Then I felt warm arms engulf me from the side, and I completely melted into Ash's arms. I sobbed into his shirt. The scene replayed in my mind over and over again right after I finished telling him what had happened. He rubbed my back soothingly and we just say there. God knows how long we've say there, but we did, me in his warm, comforting arms.

"it's okay," he whispered.

"no, no it's not," I sobbed.

"shh... it's going to be okay," he comforted, kissing the too of my forehead.

He pulled apart from the hug, which made me feel a little disappointed. But what he did next made my whole body feel weak and it's like my heart was bursting out of my chest, with frogs in my tummy.

He kissed me.

>><<

A/N: to be continued;)