When Night Comes

Chapter Eighteen

My head was pounding, images flashing before my eyes, and it took me a moment to realise, I had lived. Talon hadn't killed me. But these flashes might. Flashes of memories that were not mine, but belonged to me. Memories of horrors that I did not want to see, but they were there even behind closed eyes. The sounds of screams, of flesh ripping, of a twisted version of my cackle. I tore my eyes open, my breathing ragged and looked around where I was. The medical bay.
"Dick."The voice was tentative, as if he didn't know that I had won.
"Bruce." I breathed back and he instantly brought me in for a hug.
It wasn't our usual hug, this was one of relief and love that had survived a broken hope. That he still believed I was worthy of.
"How do you feel?" He asked, leaning back to allow me to breathe again.
"Honest answer or the one you want to hear?" I asked, trying to get back some of my humour.
"Honest answer," Bruce said and I heard the door open to admit Alfred in with us.
"Like I'm not worth what you just did." I said and cut Bruce off before he could interpret me, "Not in a depressed way, but as in. As in without Talon there anymore I can recall everything that I did, every person I killed. I can remember torturing you, Wally, Jason. I didn't deserve your help, I deserved to be killed."
"But Talon's gone now." Bruce said but I couldn't stop myself thinking, was he?
Would he ever really go away? I didn't want to comprehend an answer.
"Just for the record, you didn't knock me up that badly." I almost jumped as Wally's head lifted from another bed behind Bruce, "And you always deserve saving Dick. Always."
"Okay, who else just heard my confession?" I asked the room and the response was Artemis', Roy's, Jason's and Dinah's heads always appearing in my field of vision, "Damn it."
"It okay, we'll just be watching you to make sure you don't throw yourself off a tall building for a while." Artemis tried to joke but her tone was holding a wave of seriousness beneath it.
I don't blame her, I know there will be moments when I want to. When I will feel that I can't live with what I've done but I have to remember that I can make it right. I can improve, and if it happens again not to keep it a secret.
"Look, we're going to leave you to rest for a bit." Bruce said, "If you need anything, just call. Oh, and try to understand that to save you, you have changed slightly. I'll find you a mirror."
I watched him walk out of the room, I can imagine for the first time since I was brought in, and tried to ignore the memories that were flooding back. It wasn't long before he came back in and I looked at myself. I held back my shock as I took in my reflection, it looked like I had Heterochromia. Though one eye was still a perfect shade of blue the other was almost fully golden, a constant reminder of the Talon. I needed it though, to stop me forgetting the innocents that had their lives cut short.
"I guess the press will have a field day with this." I said as lightly as I could.

I didn't attend the funeral for the heroes I had killed and missed the mourning for the citizens as well. I didn't want to see the pain I had caused first hand. So instead I sat in my room in the manor and watched as the week-old wound was re-opened. As Artemis sat in a wheelchair and cried into Wally. As Dinah stood by herself to the side and tried to hide her tears for Ollie. As heroes and even some villains came to mourn their deaths. The deaths that were my fault.
"Heya kid." I turned around at the perky voice, "How ya feeling?"
"Been better." I looked at Harley as she stood in my doorway, dressed in her usual clashing fashion, pink and blue today, "Thank you for coming."
"Look, regret is a horrible emotion." She said as she sat on my bed next to me, "I'm here to help you not feel it so strongly. And I'm not going to judge you for anything you tell me, not a thing because I've probably done it too. Hey, we could start a club, unwanted villainous past club. Huh?"
"Sure." I said mustering a small smile, "I am honoured to be a part of the club."
And so we sat and chatted away the day, Alfred bringing us up snacks and talking helped. It removed some of the burdens that I carried. So we continued meeting as the days slipped by and I allowed myself to forgive myself. I allowed myself to hang out with my friends, allowed myself to be reborn. Allowed Nightwing to rise up out of my ashes. I would spend my life making up for what I did, not living in sorrow and regret. It was what I owed the dead. It was what I owed myself.

A new chapter of my life was unfurling, and I'll be damned if I wasn't there to see it.