DARE (Mature/18+) (Delena/Semi Fanfiction)

XVII : Light In The Dark

Selena's POV

I couldn't concentrate on my work at all. My mind was filled with guilt. I kept thinking about those photos I made. I should delete them all. Or keep them somewhere I can't see. I should tell Demi. No! No way am I telling Demi. She'd be so mad. She'd punish me. She'd leave me. I can't let her leave me. I need her. I didn't even dare to watch them. They were safely hidden in the gallery of my phone.  I didn't need to watch them because they were carved in my brain. What was I thinking? Why did I feel the need to make them? I saw Demi at least once a week. I texted her every once in a while too. There was absolutely no reason for me to do it. And still, they burned holes in the curls of my brain. I wanted someone to know, and at the same time, I knew I couldn't. This was a problem. I had a problem.

The bell rang and I quickly packed my stuff. I took my phone as soon as I walked out of the classroom. No texts from Demi. I almost dropped my phone when another girl bumped against me from behind. "Oh, sorry." She said, looking at me to tell me she meant it. I just looked at her for a moment before turning and walking away. I sighed. Demi's statement about me keeping a distance from other people was right. This was the perfect opportunity to make a new friend. She seemed nice. I turned my head back, seeing her walking away from me as well. I couldn't. I was too scared. I quickly took the headphones from my neck and placed them on my ears. It was time to hold another break on my own.

It's like it had started to bother me as soon as I saw Demi being so social with others. She had many friends and managed to befriend others just by talking to them in one evening. It was in contrast to my situation. I was surprised Natalie still wanted to hang out with me every once in a while. Ever since I was Demi's, our weekly appointment faded into the past. I studied in the hallway, thrusting a piece of my mom's sandwich in my mouth. I was shaken out of my concentration when someone deliberately kicked against my shoe to get me out of his way.

Rage filled my veins in an instant and I quickly snatched the headphones from my head. "Excuse me? Watch where you're going!" I shouted at him. He turned around, surprised that I dared to say something. "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't see you standing there." He laughed, as the boys next to him turned around as well. It's like they formed a pack. I frowned. "Then maybe you should get your eyes checked out." I clenched my fists. "Or maybe you shouldn't make yourself so invisible stud, it's creepy. Besides, I don't want glasses, it'd mean I'd have to see your ugly face in detail." The boy laughed, receiving a low-five from one of the others. Every muscle in my body tried to prevent me from attacking. Every single muscle. Luckily, I instead turned around and sat back down on the ground. The guys walked away laughing.

I came home after a long day at school. I placed my bag on the ground and threw myself on my bed. I sighed. Yet another horrible week passed. Tomorrow I'd see her again. Tomorrow, my life would be perfect again. I walked towards my mirror and turned around, pulling up my shirt. The marks made last week had almost faded. It's as if I needed a refill. It felt like it was becoming unhealthy. I wanted more of those wonderful wounds on my back. Marks that would remind me to who I belonged. I looked at the hair falling along my back. She had washed it herself a week ago, but it no longer smelled like almond. I, unfortunately, washed my hair a little more often than once a week.

I walked over to my desk and took out the hidden collar from one of the drawers. The collar that marked our bond and our proportions. I wasn't allowed to put it on myself, yet I broke another rule. I had been breaking that rule every day. Each time I came back from school, I'd put the collar on. It felt safe whenever it was tied around my neck. It felt like Demi herself held her hands on my neck, giving me support. Of course, not in the horrifying way she did when I had to kneel for her in the mud last Sunday. The memory sent shivers down my spine. I shouldn't misbehave so much, at least not with her knowing.