The day bleeds into nightfall

'Set them free at the break of dawn, till one by one, they were gone'

'Hast du etwas zeit fὕr dich.' The classroom rings out, as the brunette stares into space. The whole class is watching Nena's win of Eurovision, she hasn't a clue why, but at the moment she wishes she wishes she was busy. She wish she was able to do work.  '99 luftballons, auf ihrem weg zum Horizont' The board calls out, as her heart speeds up, they were supposed to learn the translation to this song, and for some reason she feels like she is about to cry.

She hadn't wanted to go in, but staying in her room, their room, is just torture. Seeing the empty bed every time she tried to move, she's there. The bed is made up, ready for her arrival. Everything was a reminder in that room, in the house.

She had survived registration, but now she was starting to think that maybe her dad was right, maybe she should have waited a while, but now it was too late to back out. She was here now. Erin had asked where she was yesterday, she told her she wasn't feeling well. That wasn't a lie, she had been sick, multiple times. She hadn't stomached breakfast, and now she was starting to feel dizzy. She notices the song has finished, and everyone is writing. She picks up her pen, but she can't muster the energy to drag her hand across the paper.

She can hear everyone talking, asking why she's had a week off. She doesn't want to tell them, not yet. It isn't any of their businesses. She didn't have many friends, she had a large group, but she was a nameless face. She liked Lucy, Michelle, Orla was stupid, but she liked her. She had texts off some of them, but she feigned sickness. She couldn't bring herself to tell them, it wasn't their business. If she told them, it meant it was real. It meant that she wasn't coming back. They would find out soon enough, this won't stay secret for long.

The family had sent flowers, but they had asked no one to come, not yet. Maddie knew that wanted to come and visit them, come and tell them that they are so sorry, that they are "shocked and sadden" by the loss of Ruby Guess what? SO, ARE WE?

'Miss Sugg are you listening?' The teacher demands, 'You've already missed a week off school, and now you aren't playing attention.'

She's met with a slam of the door, none of them quite sure what has just happened, not until Maddie finds herself on the floor by the pastoral and nurses office, head in her hands, a sob echoing throughout the corridor.

'Hello?' A voice calls, coming out of the room after hearing a noise. She doesn't see the girl, not until she nearly trips over her. 'Hello?' She says a little quieter, crouching down to the sobbing girl. They sit there for what seems like forever, before she takes her into her empty office. 'What's your name?'

'Matilda.' She manages to choke out. 'Sugg.' The name seems to click into place. 'Maddie.' She doesn't say what she is thinking, that she is the girl whose sister died. Soon it will be around the school, everyone will know she walked out of her lesson after she got in trouble, she'll be the one that everyone stares and points at. 'Oh, look over there, that's Maddie Sugg the girl whose sister died.' Or it will be, 'Oh did you hear Ruby Sugg died.' She had never been able to match Ruby, Ruby was the head girl, she was a prefect, she was academic, and she was popular. Everybody liked Ruby, how is she supposed to listen to the gossip, because there will be rumours. There will be someone saying something, and right this moment she's wondering why she bothered coming into school.

She remembered when Gemma Thomas got sick, she didn't particularly like her, but it was all anyone could talk about, and she didn't want that. People talking about her because she got in trouble? That was fine. People talking about her because Ruby had died? That was not okay. And soon everyone would know, and all she wanted was to be at home.

'Can I go home?' She sobs, as the older woman looks on, putting the cup of water on the desk, she could see that the girl was physically shaking, and her heart went out to her. She had two daughters herself, and she couldn't imagine being in their situation.

'I'll call your parents now.' She nods, dabbing her eyes with the tissue sheet. She knew this would start rumours, people would ask questions. Her friends would ask questions, she just wouldn't check the group chats. Maybe they would be worried? Maybe they wouldn't. Either way, she didn't care.

Before long, a familiar figure appears at the office. She knows that she has time before break, it was only period one. Maddie was slightly annoyed at herself, she was weak for only being able to stay for just over an hour. 'Come on mouse.' He smiles. Usually Maddie would moan at him, but recently she hasn't had the energy to care. She felt like a mouse, she wanted to hide.

The origins of the nickname came from when she was little, no one really knows where it came from. Joe says it's because she wanted a pet mouse, Dianne said it was because she had the same sort of personality as the mouse. And, of course, her older siblings told her it was because she looked like a mouse.

'You were right dad.' She says quiet, turning in the seat of the car. It feels weird riding shotgun, she's usually in the back, with her being the youngest she got last dibs when it came to seats in the car. 'Maybe I wasn't ready.' He shakes his head, she can tell he's been crying, and he looks much older. She knows he has to make the drive down to Birmingham this week, and she knows it's going to kill him. He's doing it because he loves Dianne and doesn't want her to have to-do it. She assumes that her grandad will be going with him. He came over, offering to stay but being rebuked by his son. They weren't up for visitors.

'it's okay mouse' he reassures her. 'I'm glad to tried.'

'I feel like such a failure dad. I ran out of a lesson.' He shakes his head, as they turn into the close. She has all these memories of playing out in the street with her friends, with her brother and her sister, memories that are so hard to stomach at the moment. Every time she closes her eyes, Ruby is their doing something stupid. 'I just don't know what to-do.' She says, as they pull in. 'She is everywhere.' He sighs, pulling into their drive. As he stops, he pulls Maddie close. 'I can't not see her, when I go to bed, in the kitchen and at school.'

 

'It's okay mouse. It will get easier.' He's careful with the words he uses because at the moment he doesn't think it will ever stop hurting. No one prepares you for this, when you become a parent. You don't expect to plan your teenager's funeral. She had so much life, so much potential and now she was gone.

A/N Thoughts? I am astounded at the response to the first two chapters- thank you! The next chapter is Joe's trip to Birmingham, so i'm warning you now it's not the most cheery chapter.... I don't wanna trigger anyone or anything.