His Dark Words

17 | Living Dream

"He had to mean the book... right?" I ask Vanessa, watching her slowly arrange her braids in my mirror.

"I dunno... I guess? It could've just been a prank. Those boys are always doing that kind of thing to each other. Even more so now they're a few months off of graduating."

"He didn't sound like he was joking..."

Vanessa shrugs. "Well, whatever. How much can you ever really know anyone, anyway?"

It's weird. Vanessa plays dumb a lot of the time but sometimes she'll say these profound things that really make you think. I don't know why she does that, play dumb I mean. Maybe she's afraid what it will mean if people know the real her.

"But what if..."

"Stop it!" She cuts in with genuine frustration. "Just stop it! You don't even see what you're doing to yourself! You care way too much about everything and you're letting all the good stuff pass you by. We are literally going to Prom tonight with two gorgeous boys who are going to pick us up and take us out! This is what's important: this moment right now! Not what some mystery guy may or may not have meant in his super cryptic and totally unhelpful message. "

I start back, surprised by her outburst, it makes me think of something I read a long time ago.

We suffer more in the imagination than in reality...

"Okay... Okay." I reply quietly. "I'm sorry, you're right. I'll drop it."

And I take a deep breath and force myself into the present moment. 

This is where I am, where I need to be.

I'm wearing the dress my mom made for me and, to her credit, there isn't even a hint of frog about it, even if it is somewhat ballerina-esque. It's a tea-length gown that comes in at my waist and has little, spaghetti straps and a deep v-neckline that I'm only getting away with because she made it. Under Vanessa's supervision I set my hair in far more regular curls than my usual loose waves and put on a face of makeup that isn't quite as panda-eyed as my last full-face outing. 

I smile at my reflection.

Vanessa nods with satisfaction. "Better, much better!"

She's wearing probably the most stunning dress I've ever seen. It's a similar silhouette to mine but in deep, midnight blue that goes perfectly with her dark, flawless skin. It has an overlay of midnight gauze with tiny crystal stars scattered everywhere and her braids are held in place by barrettes that are larger versions of those same stars. She leant me a pair of heels that are a bit too high for my heel-wearing ability but the ones she's wearing are even taller.

We totter downstairs like new-born giraffes, eyes glued to the stairs to make sure we don't trip. Halfway down we meet the flash and click of three cameras as my mom and Vanessa's parents go crazy with their phones. We giggle and pose and hug each other and our moms cry, saying over and over that they can't believe that this time next year it will be our Senior Prom. It's all kind of perfect, like a waking dream. 

The boys come to the door in their tuxedos looking like ideal dates and Austin is completely charming. As he poses for pictures in front of the house with me for my mom, I start to think that Vanessa is right. And if the mysterious phone call had been for real then the caller probably was referring to the book and I knew all about that already. I don't care... Or I do but in a different way. I realize looking up at Austin's carefree smile that the reason I like him isn't because he's drop-dead gorgeous, it's because despite all his anxieties and the things that have gone wrong in his life, he can still smile that smile and go to Prom and all those other things. He's the beautiful boy who wrote those beautiful, sad things in that book and still carries on.