Antagonym

Chapter 25

"You don't have to be here, you know."

I was nervous as hell. Adrenaline was running through my pounding heart and my lungs were already shallow with air. My lips were painted in a defiant frown but my hand was white knuckling the arm of the grey plastic chair I was sitting in. "It's fine. I want to be here."

That was the worst lie I ever told.

"Bullshit," Sylvia called without hesitation. "Danny, I'm right here. You don't need to torture yourself to be here for me to get what's essentially a finger prick."

"It's not a finger prick, it's getting blood taken and I'm getting tested too so I kind of have to be here," I retorted quietly while looking at Sylvia from across the small office where she sat on the doctor's table with a sheet of paper over it.

"Then think about something else," Sylvia suggested. I absolutely hated doctors offices. I had to take a sedative every time I went to the gyno and I never ever went to a male doctor, even if a woman could rape me just as easily. I had an irrational brain and I knew it. Half the time I was on the verge of a mental breakdown and getting weird looks like I belonged in a psych ward, but my PTSD was stronger than my social anxiety so I lived with it. "Like the fact that you broke into my office over the weekend and drank all my booze."

My lips formed a guilty smile as I shrugged innocently. "What if it was Seb or your husband?"

"Seb doesn't know my passcode and neither does Finn. Plus he was the one babysitting the kids while I was with Finn on a date so don't even try that one," she replied with a cocky know it all look on her face. "Just tell me if he fucked you in my office. All I need to know is if I need to clean my desk."

I narrowed my eyes and flattened my lips into a frown. "There was no sex happening nor will there be any sex happening any time soon."

"How about some time in the distant future?"

"Leave me alone," I grumbled while crossing my arms. "You of all people should understand why I'm staying out of a romantic or sexual relationship with him."

Sylvia looked at me with pity in her eyes and sighed. "No, I do. I respect your choice and I'd probably do the same thing considering I didn't go out with your brother for the longest time for the same reason, but then again a part of me thinks it's worth it."

"Yeah, but lacrosse never was a solid career path. You knew from the start it was a part time gig. This is millions of dollars. And let's not forget I have wrought mental problems to last a life time." I didn't want Beck romantically. It was too risky and it would never work out. Besides, the nature of our relationship was never romantic. It was purely sexual from the moment we met. Especially knowing what he knows now, Beck wouldn't want to deal with my basket case for the rest of his life. The notion of something romantic was out of thin air; there was no precursor to indicate mutual feelings. We were friends and that's it.

"PTSD is not a reason to avoid getting a boyfriend whom you like," Sylvia reasoned. "I have panic attacks and social anxiety but that doesn't stop me."

"You haven't tried to kill yourself not once, but three times, not to mention a drinking problem ontop of the need to see a therapist once a week." I was a fucking mess and I hated myself for it. Who wants this shit? No one. The only reason I have friends are because they thought I was normal then got sucked into my shit show after it was too late to leave. Even my own mother hates me.

"Danny, mental health isn't an excuse. You smile whenever you talk about him. That has to mean something. If anything, he's helping you. Why not take the risk?"

"Because I can't risk losing him, Sylvia. Besides, we don't have that type of relationship. It's platonic, trust me." I was lying straight through my teeth but Sylvia actually looked like she believed it. Maybe for once in my life something was going my way. Because maybe I'm mistaken, but I'm pretty sure most people don't make out with their friends after agreeing to not get involved.

"Fine," She changed the subject. "Why were you in my office anyway?"

A guilty look appeared on my face yet again. "We may or may not have had to run from the cops after they busted up the concert."

"You what?!" She exclaimed, practically ready to burst out of both her seat and her eye sockets. "You went to that club, didn't you?"

"Yeah, like always. But then the cops showed up and we had to run."

"You're not supposed to be running. It's no wonder you're limping today. You'll be lucky if they let you on the ice again tomorrow," she scolded like I was an insolent child.

"I didn't run. I tried to, but your fantasy boyfriend picked my sorry ass up off my feet and ran with me over his shoulder. Something I vehemently opposed, incase you were wondering." I honestly thought Sylvia would agree with me about Beck's stupid ass decision and that's why I said it so confidently, but I was surprisingly shut down very quickly.

"This man was about to get arrested for your ass and you won't date him?" She asked like I was the dumb one.

"How many times to I have to tell you that we don't have that type of relationship. He is my friend and he cares about me. That's it." I said harshly only to be interrupted by a knock at the door. I had been so worked up over Beck that I had completely forgotten where I was. I suppose you could say Sylvia's plan worked, but like a tsunami panic crashed over my brain again as the doctor opened the door.

My knuckles handed around the chair so tight I was sure the plastic was going to snap under the pressure of my hand. That's when I saw it was just a nurse with the equipment to take blood. I instantly relaxed a good amount while looking at the Latin woman who smiled warmly. It took all the composure and consciousness I ever had to release my tense muscles. "Hi, my name is Denise. I'll be taking your blood tests today," she greeted. "So who wants to go first?"

"I will," I volunteered eagerly, wanting to get this over with. Maybe I'll pass out and then I won't have to sit here for Sylvia's.

"Okay, that will be easy enough." All of our forms were already filled out, ready for the testing. The entire time I was counting in my head, waiting for the seconds to turn into minutes so this could finally be over. Counting had a dismal association for me; after all, that's what most of my rape had consisted of.

Everything from when she tightened the band on my left non-tattooed arm to when she inserted the tube was all under my cause of panic. For someone with more fears of doctors than any sane person, needles surprisingly didn't even make me bat an eye. Sadly, that means there wasn't much passing out happening while Sylvia got her own tube inserted into her harm.

It was when the doctor walked in that I was tense, long after my blood had been taken. She was a tall, skinny Japanese woman with beautiful long black hair. "Hi, I'm doctor Saito and I'll be analyzing your blood tests. I just want to clarify the request that these tests be done without notifying the possible recipients. Of course should the procedure take place, there is a requirement of total anonyminity by the state of Connecticut. Is this correct?"

"Yes," I answered before Sylvia could. I didn't want Beck to think I was meddling in his life, nor did I want him to get his hopes up only for them to be crushed. "Do you know when the results will come in?"

"A week or two at most. But I'd like to go ahead with the procedure as soon as possible when the results come in, if they are positive. I can't get into the details due to patient-doctor confidentiality, but time is imperative."

"Of course," Sylvia deepened responded quickly but I was still processing her words.

Time is imperative.

Beck's brother doesn't have much time left and if neither of us matched, there was nothing anyone could do to save him.

If Aras died, that family would lose two sons instead of one and losing even one was unacceptable.