The Ghostly Past

Chapter 32

"How did you know?" Clara asked him, "That you were marked?"

"It's not physical." Max said, his voice catching. "Sorry, this is just hard to talk about. We're so used to just ignoring the problem, trying to pretend it's not there, thinking and hoping it will go away. "

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't..."

Max gave her a helpless smile. "You should know. You're all mixed up in our world, you should understand it. We have dreams. It's well documented. Some of our past selves kept diaries, that Leo's father keeps. We dream of our original selves, we dream of our past selves, see through their eyes. It took me a long time to work out what they meant."

"Dreams are confusing at the best of times."

"Yes. But when they kept happening, I told Margaret. I'll never forget the look on her face. She confirmed what I knew inside myself. We kept it quiet for a few weeks, but in the end, she informed the rest of the council. They already knew about James. After I came forward Jess did, and Ryan. Leo was last to admit it, I think. As soon as I acknowledged who I was, the dreams stopped."

"I'm sorry." Clara said again.

"At that moment, we had to come to terms with a lack of future. We all tried to just live our lives, but James and I struggled the most I think. Ryan dated Kim regardless, and Leo had Jess. James and I had a string of meaningless hookups, companionship without affection."

"Is that what I was?" Clara asked, her voice sharper than she had intended.

"When we kissed..." Max looked away. "I handled it all wrong, and I'm sorry. It's not that...it's not that I don't like you. I do. Far more than I should allow myself to. But I'm going to die, Clara. And it's not going to be years away. We can't just forget about about. The cycle has started. I'm going to die within months, weeks even. I can't let you be close to me. I can't put you through us falling for each other only for me to die."

"So we break it!" Clara rose and came to sit on the sofa beside him. "We don't let it happen. We stop it. It's already disrupted. Let's not let Oliver's death be in vain. I'm not giving up on you." She took his hand. It was surprisingly cold.

"You're not, are you?" She saw his smile, an expression close to tears. "You're not the first to try and break it. In one lifetime, the Percy killed George and Richard as soon as he knew who they were. Now that's a disruption to the cycle. He couldn't handle the guilt, killed himself. Rosa still cheated on Arthur regardless. They all died in the end."

"That's awful."

"In one lifetime," his voice rose, "The five committed suicide as soon as the cycle began. They thought their sacrifice might break it. All of them took poison and were found in the library by the person who turned out to be Dorian. He was a police officer. The sight changed him so profoundly, he committed suicide himself a year later."

"You made your point." Clara cut in.

"It can't be broken." Max stood, pulling his hand away. "There's no future here, Clara. I want to protect you from this, and so you have to understand. You shouldn't be friends with us, especially not me."

"Why not?" She stood too, though her lack of height was a hindrance. "Tell me that! I can't believe you're just giving up! That you're not going to even try! What about all the people who love you? You say you're protecting me, but I'd rather see you try and fail than simply give in to this."

Emotion broke through the calm resignation he'd been trying to show, "I'm accepting the inevitable Clara. There has to be something fundamentally wrong with me and you're safer staying away when that comes out! I'm evil, or I'm going to be."