Fixable

4

You watch all of those films of me and you see a beast. A monster. An out of control daughter that needs to go to rehab. To a military school.

But the truth is, I'm just like you. I have my weaknesses. I break down. I cry. I sob. But they don't film that side of me.

When I was in that car, driving to the ranch, all alone, I broke down. I sobbed. I cried. Shit, I had a fucking panic attack. I've run away a handful of times, but I usually went back home the same day.

The thing that usually keeps me from breaking down like a pussy is drugs. Alcohol. But I didn't have that shit with me. I was having withdrawals. The next few months was finna be hell.

My mom wasn't gon visit me, that I knew. Demi, Maddie, probably. They travel all the time, I knew damn well they was gonna come to visit.
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The ride was shit. It was long. It was boring. I was really contemplating jumping out the damn car, but I don't know my way around Connecticut, which was where we was at that point in time.

The second we got to the ranch, I started throwing hands on everyone in the fucking car.
"Bro, I really ain't trying to be here, but yall's dumb ass brought me here anyway! Bring me back home! My mom can't take care of herself, she'll forget to drink water, with her dumb ass!"
I was already in a restraint by that time, sobbing my eyes out. My heart was pounding. I thought it would burst out of my chest. My chest was heavy. I felt faint, the withdrawals probably.

I stopped struggling about twenty minutes later, I was exhausted. They probably brought me to bed because I woke up in a bed.

I made it clear to everyone that I was the bitch in charge and wasn't no one gonna tear me down. But that lead to consequences. I hated it but I did get a horse to ride so that was pretty fun. Maddie and Demi visited me the following night. I ran to Maddie and cried in her arms, then went to Demi.

"Hey, Dani", said Maddie. "You doing okay?"
"No, girl. I hate it here. I didn't even want to come but I legally had to. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate that I do this to you guys. I hate that I've gotten myself to this point. I need a drink. I'm having crackhead withdrawals. I _"
"Stop," said Demi. "Slow down. You're going to work yourself into a panic attack."

She smiled at me. "We love you, you know. You can't do anything about what you've done to get yourself to this point, but you can get better. I love you like you're my sister. You're my second baby girl. Along here with Maddie." She patted her on the head.
"Damn right, Dani! You're almost as cool as me!", Maddie grinned. "Guess what I gooottt", she sang. She handed me a pack of gum.

"Fuck, thank you! Y'all know how much I needed some cocaine! Damn, I'm a crack head. "
"Um, no, I'd prefer the term "former crack whore", Demi grinned.

"Shut yo weird ass up, bitch, I ain't you", I said, laughing.
She pushed my forehead.
"You kind of are,"
"Yea, you right," I replied.

"Visitation is up," I heard the staff say.
"All right, baby girl, keep fighting. I know you've got it in you. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me. For Maddie. We love you and we care, okay? Always remember that. After you leave, we'll have a wonderful party for you. We'll have many more great nights like we've always had. And as for your mom, we'll get her back to her old self again, all right?"
"Promise?"
"Promise, baby."
"I'll miss you best friend. We'll visit you next weekend though."
We exchanged some hugs and after they left, I shed a few tears, knowing I had to get my shit together for them.