^r@ntS^

^r@ñt^ #5

A broken friendship
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I know Im the type of person to break someone so easily. Or pour my feelings out way to much. But there is reasons why i do that. And all i can say is...im so sorry. But...its not very common for someone to break ME. Why? Because im already broken...im numbed to the feeling. But if your able to break me at least once...your a person i may not like ever again. Or if you start to like me again...and we start talking again. I will fuxking fake liking you. Because you broke me.
But there is one person...one person who i can forgive...i can forgive him for what he did. But my family...i dont know about that. The 7th grade has always and will always be the wrost years of my life. But one day i met this 8th grader. That became my best friend, a brother to me. He stopped me from hurting myself. Gave me things i thought i would never get! He made me feel wanted...loved like a brother. He made me feel important. But i never told him this...instead...i showed more sadness than happiness...and one day he left....i remember i was hurting myself at the time. More than ever, because of people at school. And he knew...he knew it all. He told me "No" and "Stop" so many times. Then one night on spring break i tried ending myself. I told all of my friends i loved them and i would miss them. Then i woke up in a hospital bed. Once my mother saw and talked to me she gave me my phone. I saw that my friend had spammed me even texted me on another app. No one else did that. And its because he was worried sick about me. So i texted him, and he texted me until i got out of that damn hospital. But he had warning signs..."no" "stop" i should have noticed and stopped everything. Then that weekend after spring break...i told my friend i was gonna go take a shower. When i got out i had a voice mail from my real dad. It said "little girl" in the voicemail. I told my friend and he said how fuxked up my real dad was. Then i told him i was gonna go hurt myself. He said "no...dont" and i said yes...then....he snapped..."i cant deal with this shit anymore, fuxk it" and we stopped talking. One day i texted him after school. And he said he was taking a mental health break, so i accepted that and left it at that. So i made sure to be in library and him in the cafeteria. It was like this for almost a whole week or 2. Then one day after school he texted me. "Ive been thinking about it, and im sorry, but i cant deal with this whole thing" i was so crushed. So i texted him something and said Sorry at the very end of that text. My sadnesss turned into anger. I was crying so loud my mom came into my room...and i had to tell her everything. And then she told me i had to call my grandmother and talk to her too. So i did. And my grandmother told me things would be ok, but good things dont always last forever. Which they dont. My mistake was thinking that me and him werent friends anymore. And i told my family that.
Im so fuxking sorry for everything i have done to him. I dont know if i can heal this friendship back together and make everything go back to normal. All i can do is wait. Wait for what life and time hits me in the face with. Ive learned that maybe i should bottle up my feelings...and keep my poker face on forever. And keep things a secret. But i am so sorry for being a wreck to everyones lives....