If love and hate were the same ・k.th ff✔️

19

I wake up sweating as if I was just running a mile. I turn around just to see Jungkook looking at me. I am sitting on the ground, my back leaning against the sofa. 

"Since when are y-"

"Nightmare?

I nod my eyes not leaving his.

"You fell asleep after you finished eating your ramen."

"I'm so glad that you didn't die.", I whisper before I hug him.

"Y/N...my shoulder..."

"Right, I'm sorry."

I let go of him. My back hurts. It even makes weird noises as I try to stand up.

"Ew, that doesn't sound healthy grandma.", chuckles Jungkook. 

"Ugh, shut up dumbass."

"Hey! This dumbass saved your sweet ass, honey!"

I laugh. "How can you flirt after all this?"

"Weren't you the one who tried to flirt with Jimin earlier?"

"You weren't sleeping?!"

"Of course not. I was trying to rest but I couldn't fall asleep before telling you-", he halted as if something else just crossed his mind. "Nevermind."

I raise my eyebrows.

"Before telling me what?"

He stays quiet for a moment. "It isn't your fault, you know that, right?"

"It's hard to believe that, Kookie." The words left my lips before I could think about it. But this is the truth.  Everyone around me just seems to die or get injured... It's still dark outside.

"Aren't you tired?", I ask.

He smiles. 

"You still love him don't you?"

My heart skips a beat. 

"It's complicated. I myself don't know what I feel." Saying these words without looking at him doesn't feel right at all. I do know what I feel, I just don't want to believe it...yet.

"Where is he?"

"Upstairs. Chained on a chair... He's okay."

Jungkook looks at me. I wasn't sure what his eyes tried to express, what he actually feels. I can't look through them. 

"Come here."

Without hesitating I crawl under his blanket. He wraps an arm around me while I lay my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Tears roll down my cheek. I didn't even realize it until Jungkook wipes them away with his thumb.

"They trained him to-" My voice cracks.

"Sh, I know Y/N. I know." He carefully strokes my back. "Let's sleep now."

This is one of the very rare moments where I feel save. And I feel so dumb for realizing it just now, that only Jungkook gave me those moments.

"Good night." 

"Good night, Kookie."

After a while I close my eyes. But there was still one thing weighing on my heart, that wouldn't let me fall asleep in peace.

"Why don't you hate me Jungkook? There isn't much left to like me."

His chest raises as he takes a deep breath before answering me.

"To be honest, Y/N. I don't know. But every time I see you smile - and that's very rare - then my heart tells me that this is right and that I want you to stay happy until the day you die. I want to protect you, I want you to feel save. God knows why, all I know - no - all I want is you to be happy. And if I'm lucky than you'll decide to be happy with me."

A smile is forcing it's way on my face.

"You don't know how happy I am with you by my side."

The last thing I know before Yoongi woke us up in the morning, was that I could hear Jungkook's heartbeat fastening and how I couldn't stop smiling for a little while. 

"Tonight it's your turn to babysit that bastard upstairs.", says Yoongi to me.

I nod.

"Where's Jimin?", I yawn.

"Don't know. Oh and next time you decide to sleep with Jungkook, please warn us. I panicked for a moment when I couldn't find you in your room."

"Yes sir!" Yoongi shakes his head like a dad who doesn't understand his child.

"I'll go and buy groceries.", announces Jimin who suddenly appears behind me.

"Jimin, wait! I'll come with you!", I shout and try to stuff the last few bites of my toast into my mouth.

"You're really going to leave me alone, with one wounded and one crazy person, while I can't even think about how to fight?"

I laugh. 

"There's a gun under Jungkook's pillow and a few other guns in this house." I wink.

Jimin almost drove off without me, if I didn't practically jump into the car. 

"This behavior is new.", I say as I try to put on the seatbelt. Jimin scoffs. "What's wrong?"

"He didn't get it."

It took me a while to process what he was referring to.

"Shit, Jimin. Did you tell him about your feelings?"

"Somehow."

"What do you mean somehow?!" Raising my voice even surprised me.

"I-I don't know I couldn't tell him... my hands started sweating and- and then I leaned closer and I started flirting and- and..."

I laugh.

"You sound like a teenager."

Now even Jimin laughs.

"I just don't know what to do."

"Maybe you should stop flirting like a needy dog at first and actually tell him how you really feel? Yoongi is a nerd. He's a master with machines not with humans. Do you know how often I tried to flirt with him?"

Jimin's eyes widen and he looks at me with such a disbelief that I couldn't hold back my laughter.

"Yeah, me too.", I laugh.

"Why am I the one bragging about my problems?! Aren't girls the ones who always cry and hug their besties and eat tons of ice cream?"

"Shut up. Don't act like boys never cr-"

At that moment my phone rings. I roll my eyes as I answer the phone.

"Yeah?"

"Taehyung talks again." It was Yoongi. A very agitated Yoongi.

"What do you mean he talks again?"

"He asked if he could talk to you and that he's sorry and he cries and-"

"Yoongi! Calm down. What did he say."

"I think it's better if he tells you himself."

It was just a few seconds when the phone went silent but for me it felt like an eternity. My lungs forgot how to breathe when I heard his voice.

"Y/N I am so sorry. I-We need to talk." His voice cracks in the middle of the sentense as if he was still crying. But what he tells me after this made me crying and I couldn't stop until we reached home.

"Please come before it's too late."

"What?"

"I am going to die. Please come. Please."

"What do you mean yo-"

But he cut me off with hanging up the call.