SIX YEARS AGO
"I never loved you."
You don't mean them.
"You were a distraction, an itch that needed relief, you were just to pass time."
Crippling. It's all so crippling. You don't mean them. You don't!
"You're LYING! Look me in the eyes and tell me!" He pulled me back as I turned to walk away.
His grip, his touch burns, his grief was suffocating.
I closed my eyes, remember why you're doing this! Remember!
My eyes flew open blue meeting brown like clashes of rough ocean waves as it hit against hard, sharp pointed rock on coral reef.
"I never loved you."
Who. Are. You?
I'm so numb, so cold. Frozen, frozen forever.
There, in your eyes, there I saw your anguish even though your face had become an emotionless stricken mask.
We had both become a masquerade of white, blank and porcelain; mask of a phantom. Empty with no face, with no emotion and life. Silent. Deadly.
Phantom of our own opera.
"I don't believe you." He whispered hoarsely as if speaking another world wouldn't tilt this world that we had known over its scales like it isn't already.
"I. Never. Loved. You." Where did that come from? Where had this conviction? This solid, marble of cold stone that I had become come from?
Who. Am. I?
Nothing. Nothing without him. Protect. Protecting you.
He turned his handsome stricken face away from me, closing his eyes to hold back the tears that I was fighting so hard myself to control.
"I hate you." I held the whimper that wanted to be released almost choking on it as it held deep in my throat.
"I HATE YOU!" He screamed at me his eyes bloodshot, hair blowing in the cold wind making him look crazed, angry, demonic.
That's it, let it out. Tell me you hate me again, tell me you think I'm disgusting! Tell me! Tell me!
Make it easy for me baby. Make it easy for me to let go. Say them, tell me so I can stay away from you.
His eyes closed, head shaking, hair gripping he screamed out in agony with the wind, the crash of waves down below the cliff drowning them. Turning the air to frost, frozen as I stood watching him.
Numb.
"Is this what you do huh! Make people fall in love with you then throw them away like they mean nothing to you! You're a BASTARD! A disgusting horrible SNAKE! I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!"
His tears fall as he choked on the last few words. So much pain, but I feel nothing.
I HATE YOU!"
Numb.
"I hate you so much!" His palms beating on my chest, nothing.
Numb.
That's it, let it out, cry, hit me. I deserve this, I never deserved you.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you..." It was like his mantra, his safe point to keep him rooted to the earth and not be blown away with the howling wind that whipped my hair against my face. His song of pain as if to make himself believe that he did hate me, but I knew better he loves me he always will. Forever.
I welcomed the sting as the wind blew my hair across my chiselled cheeks, I welcomed the cold winter air. It froze my already dead frozen heart.
"I love you." He whispered in defeat as he sunk to the ground at my feet, his hoarse cries, his tight grip on the bottom of my jacket shaking.
I closed my eyes, "I. Never. Loved. You."
Listen to me baby. LISTEN!
His arms fell away from me.
His defeat was evident in his shaking form, his crippling figure as he pulled himself into a ball at my feet and wept his broken heart.
Sigh.
"Forget me. Because I will forget you."
Lies. All lies.
Walking away, I left the person I had known to be myself. Walking away, not only did I leave him but every single ounce of life that I had within me was gone.
When I reached my car and open the door I heard him scream in agony; "I HATE YOU!"
Sigh, I nodded and got in my car, slamming the door. The frustration, the anger, the grief crashing down on me.
Don't look back, don't tempt yourself.
MOVE! GO! RUN!
"I HATE YOU!" Was the last thing I heard as the wind swept by in a rush breeze and I sped away with it.
I replied in barely a whisper knowing that he would never hear even if I wanted to shout it to the heavens, to the world and mainly to him;
"I love you."
YOU ARE READING
Sacrifice
Romance'I never loved you.' You don't mean them. 'You were a distraction, an itch that needed relief, you were just to pass time.' Crippling. Its all so crippling. You don't mean them. You don't! 'You're LYING! Look me in the eyes and tell me!' He pulled m...
