the way i see things

the world is ugly

"for every failing sun, there's a morning after"

we ran down to the restless waves that fought eachother,
soon to be a memory i would try to smother.
brilliant moonlight and infinite stars watched us dive headfirst into disputing gray waves in the middle of a february night.

the cold drowned my senses, yet left me at ease.
i didn't know i would soon want this feeling to consume and swallow me whole.

my lungs burned like california wildfires as i tried swam to the surface.
i saw your face and smiled and tried to ignore your gaze.
back at the safety of the hotel hot tub,
the boiling heat cleansed the sand, scraped and bruised knees.
before long, i wished to drown in the sea.

placing me gently in your lap, physically, in places i wish i wasn't.
i tried to escape your trap.

the sensual words you spoke overruled mine of non consensual.

your teeth busted and broke skin as i prayed to the sky,
tears in my eyes.

ripping myself from your grasp,
running, slipping, feeling wildfire burn in my chest.
jumping fences of temporary homes,
knees black and blue,
bloodied.

i stopped at a pool staring at my reflection.
unpure.
catching up you found me, with the grin of a ghoul,
making me feel miniscule.

pushed into the freezing february teal,
hoping my drowning was real.
temporary clean.
drown, drown, drown.