i feel

sleep

when i am laying in bed, forcing my eyes shut, and begging for an ounce of sleep to stumble my way, i look for ways to clear my mind in hopes that it will help. i used to try breathing techniques, but that stopped working after a while. then, my mind started jumping to you every time. simply put: i can't stop thinking about you. you are my calm, you are the air that i breathe to clear my mind. you are the warmth of my blankets, and the comfort of my teddy bear. instead of picturing rhythmic patterns to sync my breathing with, i turn my head and i think of you. i remind myself of the comfort in your grasp and the home i found in your embrace. i shut my eyes and remember the positions of which we had been in; they only familiarize me with my memories even more. and as much as i love imagining you beside me every night, i wish it was real. i wish you could just stay with me at all hours. i wish we never had to say goodbye. alas, the goodbyes never last long. how could i ever go on without you?