i feel

god.

i wasn't raised with a strong belief in religion.
i wasn't raised with any religion at all, actually.
i grew up in a world filled with fate and fortune.
karma and balance a reality,
yet no god.
i grew up in a world where the only thing up was the sky.
the only thing down below was the earth's core
i grew up in a world where sundays were reserved for soccer games and hot dogs
not worship.
i grew up in a world of people throwing handfuls of hate and rage at me
simply for not growing up believing in their god.
from a young age—too young for me to even understand why—i was labeled as a "bad influence".
i was targeted as a girl that
"needs help".
help to change my core being.
help to change how my parents taught me how to live.
i was told that "it's okay if you're not christian you can still come to church with me."
but what if i don't want to go?
"why not are you a satanist or something?"
no i just—
"forget it i have other plans anyways."
the funny thing is
i don't even believe in satan.
but i don't want to hurt other people's feelings.
i know what it's like to have your beliefs disrespected.
i know what it's like to have people tell you that your beliefs are "wrong" and need to be "fixed". i know what it's like to have someone that you thought you could love and trust finally come forward and tell you that you're wrong and going to go to hell.
see i don't believe in hell, but i know that many people do.
and i know that telling someone they're going to go to hell is hurtful.
i'm sorry i am who i am.
i'm sorry who i am is wrong.
why can't i be enough?
why can't i be enough for you?
any of you?
if you've ever tried to "help" someone find your religion

don't.

i know you might not be able to see it but it's painful.
what if i like who i am?
why can't i just be
me?
because frankly, if god is real, and he lets people experience the pain of being anything but christian, he's kind of a sucky guy.
why can't my fate-filled life just be okay?
stop trying to fix me.
i don't want your "help".