❤️ Diary Of India Monroe-Dallas

Why Me and Jay?

January 19th

It's January and me and Jay have been trying to get pregnant for weeks and I'm tired of trying without knowing am I even able to get pregnant.

I dragged out of bed with a sob that clearly cried I'm tired of life and tried to paint a smile on my face but no matter how hard I tried to front... Jay always knows when I'm upset.

I walked into the shower bathed and shaved washed my hair and got out I slowly dressed myself ...I was almost to emotionally drained to dress,I whipped my braids to one side and fought back the tears that were burning in my throat.

I walked dragging my feet to the living room and dialled my local OBGYN specialist Dr.Jackie Owens on my pink iPhone,With tears rolling down my face i waited for her assistant to answer."Hello Sorry we missed your call here at Jackie Owens OBGYN office please leave your name your number and a brief message." The message ended and I started to feel a knot in my stomach that I always got when I wanted to explode with many different emotions.My face turned a burgundy Color I was furious for the first time in for ever I asked God why ? Why me? Wouldn't I be a great mother? Or am I not holy enough to ever be blessed with a baby!

I woke up Jaylon with my loud screaming ,when I heard his feet hit the floor I wiped my tears away quickly and cringed a smile on my face." What was that?" Jaylon asked with a face expression of curiosity "nothing "I replied fixing his breakfast. I could tell he knew I was lying "are you ok babe?" He said with a frustrated look "I don't think ..." I muttered "you don't think what India?" Jay replied with his face as curious as the first one " I don't think we can have children" I cried then ran into his arms for his warm embrace and a sense of comfort.He rubbed my head and looked at me with disbelief then his eyes narrowed as if he were going to cry,"let it out baby" I said with my voice breaking on the last word. Tears ran down the clouds of his eyes and I felt his stomach spas...My baby wanted a baby and I can't give him that... I took him to lay down on the couch he had a head ache after all the crying. "Baby I'm about to go to the OBGYN ok?" I told Jay

I walked my way to the doorway and Jay grabbed his jacket and my hand "I'm going too" he said and continued walking to the car with me. We got in the car and I backed out carefully in my Mercedes Benz into the long line of cars.Butterflies were in my stomach driving all the way to the OBGYN me and Jaylon held hand and kissed before getting out of the car.We walked into the building and sat at the waiting room looking over alternatives for having children. Dr.Owens called for us and we walked into her office.

"Alright my understanding is you guys are having trouble getting pregnant?" "Yes ma'am we have been trying for weeks " "ok Mrs.India let get you a x-Ray " she implied

We moved into the room where I became nervous Jay Continuously told me to calm down however he was just trying to hide his anxiety by pointing out mine. The Doctor laid me under the X-ray machine and scanned me through.After being done with all the scans she walked me and Jaylon to the office to examine the scans.

The News Was.....