Pregnancy on the loose

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I feel like now that I found out I can't have children I can see everyone who is pregnant on even has the smallest pouch on their body.

Jaylon is leaving for a few weeks on buissiness and I'll be home alone...not the best thigh for me right now because the loud creaking of the living room wooden floor reminds me of a baby's voice filling with tears mourning for his mommy. The suicide thoughts I stopped having when I said I do we're back and I was scared..scared of myself ....what I might be capable of doing to harm myself.Im going through a rough time and its so hard to even look at myself in the mirror because I blame no one but myself.Was this just Gods way of saying your not worthy of being a mother.I am to to to hurt I can't take it. Everyone else is pregnant I'm not its pregnancy on the loose.

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